McCarthys Blog - The Life of a Minor Celebrity

Scott McCarthy BA

2010-12-02T21:29:00.002Z

No minions, the initials after my name do not mean I have begun working for British Airwaves. They signify that, on Tuesday afternoon, Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity officially graduated from the University of Gloucestershire as a Bachelor of Arts

While most of my friends were able to call themselves graduates way back in the summer, for some unbeknown reason my university decided to wait until the very end of November to hold their ceremony and give out the certificates. This meant that it was freezing cold and the ceremony took place in the pissing snow. Far from ideal circumstances, I am sure you will agree. Anyway, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, and here is McCarthy receiving his degree from some religious chap. Shortly before, when exiting the stage, my hat fell off.

In other news, the snow has caused an utter rape scene. No football this weekend, the usually reliable Mac Mobile stuck in the driverway and a delay in production of the Christmas video which I am pleased to say is finally available on the main mac-i site for your own enjoyment.

I am particularly happy with this years effort. It was a more challenging, slower song and this presented more problems along the way. However, each of the performers who were kind enough to lend their vocals to the track rose to the occasion marvelously. It is a true work of art. Much like Scott McCarthy BA

NUS Demolition - That was Fun

2010-11-12T10:02:00.004Z

So, on Wednesday Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity and Chief Advisor Bert Lloyd decided to head to London and exercise our democratic right by protesting against the governments plans to treble tuition fees to up to £9000 a year. The irony of this is, of course, that neither of us are students anymore. And that I happen to agree in principal with the idea.

Currently, you pay £3000 a year and pay if off as a percentage of your wage when earning £15000 a year. While the plans involve whacking the price up a lot, the threshold by which you pay it off will increase to £21000 a year, and I believe the percentage per month will decrease. It did make somewhat of a mockery of the claims that the Conservatives are aiming to take the poor out of education - nope, they will still be paying the money for people to go to university so there will be no purge of the lower classes - it will merely mean they pay out more and you pay back more later when you are earning enough to do so.

Things began pleasantly enough, a nice march from Horse Guards Parade down to Westminster with around 30,000 other people was jolly good for a lunchtime stroll. It was when things got to Millbank that joy turned to confussion, as Bert and myself witnessed the storming of Conservative Party HQ. This was, in fairness, lead by red flag waving, masked socialists who were probably just looking for any excuse to kick off. Getting the students riled up though was easy, and they didn't help themselves by charging into the building, smashing windows and throwing eggs.

After around twenty minutes of watching this sorry sight unfold, McCarthy and Lloyd became bored and so decided to do what every trip to London must involve - visit a number of the capitals watering holes. This meant that, unfortunately, we didn't see it escalate to fires, people on the top of buildings and general carnage. No, we were too busy getting drunk.

Anyway, here is the small documentary video that we captured from our undercover position on the march, including when things turned nasty at Millbank: http://www.mac-i.co.uk/tv/nusdemo2010.html

If only the students had played up to stereotype and taken that attitude - then they wouldn't look like mindless thugs and lost a fair bit of sympathy from the working, tax paying people of Britain (and the unemployed. Like me)

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

2010-11-02T21:01:00.002Z

An important set of lessons were learnt this weekend by Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity. Never get a haircut when drunk. Never ask a man who is drunk to carry out that hair cut. And never, ever get a man whoms eyesight is best described as shocking and whom you have spent many years taking the piss out of for being bald himself to do the deed.

Yes, in the early hours of Saturday morning I asked Andy Rumble to give me a "quick trim." This quick trim saw him shave a huge line of hair off the back and then an even bigger chunk out of the front. Once this had happened, there was really no choice (well, there was of course looking like Jimmy Saville, but that wasn't an option). It all had to go. The result being that, for the first time since the birth of Scott McCarthy, I am bald. Not entirely bald - there is still a thin coating of hair - but pretty much, shiny bonced.

What has been cut can be regrown though - and I have no doubts that my hair will rise once again to be the envy of all of Christandom. And if it doesn't, then the world of the Gail Porter look-a-like awaits

What's occurring?

2010-10-27T22:52:00.002+01:00

Some of you may be wondering whether I have found a job yet. The answer, as the total overhaul of McCarthy Industries suggests, is a very simple no. The total redesign of the site has been my way of staving off the boredom that working for 8 hours a week in a petrol station brings to you. I am a 2:1 Bachelor of Arts, yet find myself unemployed. Fan-bloody-tastic

Tom McCarthy himself raised an interesting point the other day when he questioned why I don't sign on. Indeed, I could make more money on the dole than I do with my eight hours a week of work. The simple answer is that I do not wish to take the governments money if I am indeed able to hold down a job. Sadly, this is not true of my fellow human beings

The most amusing part about that is, of course, that these are normally the same people who support the BNP and complain that they can't get a job because of immigrants. A closer examination of the jobs that these chaps from foreign countries do indicates that this simply not true - for example, the dole-queuing Brit is unqualified as a doctor or in a manual trade, so can't have one of those jobs. And they think that, more often than not, jobs such as road sweeps, McDonalds workers, and dare McCarthy say it, petrol station employer is below them. The fact is listeners there are jobs out there but the unqualified person believes themselves to be better than it - and so they remain on benefits (thankfully, this trend looks like it is going to be resolved by George Osborne and the cuts to the welfare state which are frankly well overdue)

This is, from the point of view of a BA with a 2:1 degree, very frustrating. Depressing even. But, we must nonetheless soldier on in the vain hope that, one day, a position will become available and I begin to pay back my debt to society in terms of the large sums of money owed thanks to student grants. And if not, then expect McCarthy Industries to have another total overhaul in about two months time

Leon Knight on the Phone

2010-07-27T12:26:00.002+01:00

My latest financial crisis has seen, for the first time in about three years, Burgess Hill's Minor Celebrity not go out at all this weeked. This lead to one of the more bizarre moments of my life, when on Saturday night I had a ten minute phone call with Leon Knight

Leon was top scorer when Brighton and Hove Albion won promotion to the Championship in 2003-04, including slotting the penalty that won the play-off final against Bristol City at the Millennium Stadium. Since then, his career has gone downhill quicker than a wheelchair carrying a man with no arms to pull the brakes, and he now finds himself clubless after being released by Queen of the South up in Scotland.

To cut a long story short, Mr Knight is somewhat hated by the majority of Albion fans, so naturally it seemed a good idea to interview him for our podcast, the Albion Moan In. For somebody who back in the day came across as a totally arrogant prick, he was suprisingly nice on the phone. You can read the interview and listen to the audio HERE

In other news, McCarthy will finally achieve a life times dream this Saturday when he flies to the Motherland, Russia. A four day stay in the capital of Moscow is argubaly going to be the best week on Burgess Hill's Favourite Minor Celebrity's life, with activites including Red Sqaure, some sort of football game, drinking a hideous amount of vodka (which McCarthy absolutely hates!) and, ultimately, seeing the embalmed body of Vladimir Lenin. Excited doesn't quite cover it!

England Away

2010-07-21T16:19:00.002+01:00

Listeners, I fear I have done something incredibly stupid. No, it does not involve impregnating a minor, anything to do with a sheep or signing up for the North Korean military. Last week, Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity parted with £75 of his hard earned cash to join englandfans - meaning that he can now begin traveling to away games supporting the flops of the English national football team.

I ask you to contain your gasps of horror and probably laughter for a little longer, as not only have I done an incredibly stupid thing like that, but then I have gone and surpassed myself by booking two match tickets for myself and Samuel Upton to go to Switzerland away on a Tuesday in September. No, no, that is not even the worst bit of it all - it is ridiculusly expensive to get to Switzerland (our options at the minute are minibus, drive or plane to Germany and train to Basel), and once you are there then the currency might as well by gold bullion.

McCarthy is well known for making stupid, rash purchases, such as the voice changing Darth Vader mask which to this day has never been used, but this takes things onto another level. For a man whom, this summer particularly, became totally fed up with the England football team to the point whereby he was more bothered about how Germany got in the world cup to be now not only going to, but having to finance trips to the continent to support that said team is nothing short of lunacy.

Especially when you throw in the final insult, the cheese on top of this Three Lions biscuit if you will - I still can't find employment. Expect to see me featuring on a television show about debts spiralling out of control in the very near future. They might even call it Rauol Moat: The Second Installment

University - Don't Bother

2010-07-14T13:33:00.002+01:00

I like to think of myself as a well rounded invidual. I have traveled, I am educated and I am, by conventional standards, reasonably intelligent. Therefore, I have a piece of advice for all those McCarthyites out there who may be considering going to university - don't

Having just been through the vigours of three years of degree education, I can safely say it is not worth it in the slightest. The reason you are meant to go to univeristy that doesn't involve unhealthy food and constant Strongbow drinking is to better yourself by gaining qualifications that will put you ahead of the field and allow you to get a well paid job. Unfortunately, with the job market the way it is, that is now a load of bollocks.

I have been trying since May to obtain employment in the field I have trained myself in. And thus far, it is making Dawn French's diet look like a raging success. So Scott, I hear you cry, what should I do instead?

Well dear listener, the simple answer is do not apply for university. There is no point in working hard for three years just to find yourself saddled with an unpayable debt, no stream of solid income and sponging off your parents for food, water and a bed at the end of it.

If I could go back three years, I would have taken an entirely different path, so I urge you to consider these two options minions. Find yourself a woman (or if you are one, a man), get pregnant and then live off the benefits. It involves little to no effort at all on your part, and you can thoroughly enjoy taking the taxpayers money knowing that you didn't waste your own at university.

Alternatively, and it's one I am seriously considering at the minute, lose one of your legs in a vicious chain saw accident, and then claim benefits for the rest of your life for that. They can't expect you to work with one leg, after all

New Look mac-i

2010-06-06T00:03:00.002+01:00

Right, I know there haven't been any updates for a while. This is because I have spent the last few months concentrating on university due to the fact that my course is now virtually finished. Not that it matters, as finding a job thus far is proving to be as successful as the Nazi's taking of Moscow.

You may have noticed that there has also been a slight change to McCarthy Industries. There will be many more to come as I also have a shit load of content to upload at some point in the future. The biggest change is this diary, which has seen me transfer everything onto this blog. It is now easier to manage, and therefore should be easier to update on a regular basis - especially as it is looking likely they won't have a job!

The good news for all you Sussex fans is that McCarthy moves permanently back to Burgess Hill in just under a months time. I know in the three years or so that I have been away the town has collapsed - parking prices have gone up, shops have shut, and a recession is in full swing. But where there is McCarthy, there is hope - something that all citizens will now doubt realise when his name appears back on that electoral register

There is a long awaited Feeling Randy in the editing process as well - so long awaited that I can't even remember what it was about. It should therefore prove both fun and vigorating to edit, and in theory should inspire me to do so. Expect it in about December then

It's March - It's Festival Time!

2010-03-05T11:09:00.000Z

March is here, and it is arguably the biggest and best month of the year. Why, I hear you cry Dear Listener?! Well, it is the month of the Cheltenham Festival. Four days of gambling excessive amounts of money, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, eating excessive amounts of unhealthy food and completely forgetting about the pressure that comes with being a university student, such as what is happening in Coach Trip, whether two day old KFC can be reheated and the stress of playing Countdown.

The festival kicks off in two weeks time, but that is not the only highlight of March. A night out in Portsmouth follows, which is one of McCarthy's favourite destinations for drinking due to the combination of friendly kebab shop owners and clubs that play old school music. The return to Burgess Hill then occurs come the end of the month, followed by the beginning of the jobs application process

As well as the job application process, I have begun looking at other ways in which to get money that can help avoid the inevitability of the working world. This saw McCarthy yesterday fill out an application to appear on Deal or No Deal - there is a three stage audition process, which ultimately will mean that Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity will end up nowhere near talking to the banker, but there is hope. Next on the money winning radar is The Weakest Link - and of course, backing winning horses in the Cheltenham Festival

And that, minions, is all that has happened. Peace out. Well, it's not, but I've got a European Championship to win for England on Football Manager

University - It's Nearly the End

2010-02-22T17:17:00.000Z

Yes listeners, crunch time is coming to Danny Granville Street as we get ever closer to the end of McCarthy's university career. This means a plethora of work to complete, then the joys of attempting to find a job or way to do sod all but still earn money. The stress of the current time has provided a convenient excuse to postpone the planned Jesus-esque fast that was due to kick off today, as I am now due to put in a brief Burgess Hill appearance this week which will coincide with football in London. The mixture of football, beer and London will ultimately mean that McCarthy will end up eating something, so it just seemed a sensible decision to put the fast on hold.

A fantastic weekend that, while may not have been beneficial to the digestive system, has been and passed. Beer and curry was the name of the game in Bradford on Friday night, as McCarthy joined Jamie van der Westhuizen and Simon Valder in a rugby league themed trip prior to Saturday's Brighton game against The Leeds United. Both sporting events were enjoyable, and the warning about Bradford curry's being authenticly prepared so being hotter than what most English folk are used to was not heeded by either McCarthy or Oaf, as they both proceeded to order hot currys and then have to pile through without complaining. The taste lasted for over 24 hours, but thankfully it was a good one so didn't cause as any money problems as first thought, even if the curry did end up leaving my stomach with the feeling that a small animal had crawled up my arse and died inside

The Cheltenham Festival is now under a month away, and McCarthy will be welcoming both Robert Jones and Bert Lloyd to Danny Granville Street for the event. Bert will be losing his Cheltenham and festival virginity, while myself and Jones will be attending our third, and from past experience the week will no doubt end in mess and disgrace.

Finally, McCarthy Industries could be set to announce a huge piece of news that will impact on the footballing world of Sussex. Things have been quiet on the Hamsters front in recent months, and for this we make no apology as should these in-depth negotiations come off then the official Mac-i football team could be about to ascend to a higher plane. Stay tuned for information!

Haunted House!

2010-02-04T17:13:00.000Z

Exciting times on many different fronts in Danny Granville Street in recent weeks. Most excitingly is the news that McCarthy's current residency is haunted. Bizarre things have happened since moving in occurred back in September 2008, but these things have come to ahead in recent weeks as paranormal behavior has increased ten-fold. Three residents, including yours truly, have reported thinking that they head someone say their name when nobody else was around. The electricity has developed a somewhat annoying habit of turning itself off during the most inconvenient of times, things are falling off shelves, there are mysterious bangs and knockings when nobody is upstairs, the other night I was certain that a shadow in the shape of a human moved in my bedroom as if it was picking something up, and most strange of all was the kettle turning itself on when nobody was around.

Research has lead to the discovery that next door lived two men who died in World War I, and in our very own house one man lost his life in the Great War. The medical facility that is opposite our house was also once a hospital, and the area of town in which Danny Granville Street is situated was also one of the few parts of Cheltenham to sustain bombing damage at the hands of the Luftwaffe. There is a strong case for ghostly activity, and in true McCarthy fashion there is the full intention to carry out research into this in the form of the return of McCarthy Industries much lauded Most Haunted programme - coming soon.

Regular listeners of the diary will know that I like to put my body through testing yet ultimately pointless tests. In the past, these have ranged from adjusting the body clock, seeing how long I could go without sleep and only a month ago I completed the three months as a vegetarian challenge. Now comes the next stage - fasting. Jesus has done it, Ghandi has done it and now McCarthy hopes to ascend to a more spiritual plain by undertaking what is more commonly known as a water fast. This is designed to flush all the toxins out of your body and allow it repair. There is no set time frame for how long I aim to go without food, as having thought about it that would be plain stupid. No listeners, from Monday February 22nd I will simply be seeing how long I can survive until hunger and temptation get the better of me. I expect it to be about an hour

Blokes on Soaps has now launched with McCarthy and Chapman's opinions on all things soap. We recorded our first podcast on Tuesday night, so expect that to be on-line in about six months. If it does make it on-line, then it will instantly have succeeded in getting further than other projects such as the Star Wars Movie, wrestling match, t-shirt printing business and driving test route guides.

Valentines Day, that delightful celebration of love, is now only ten days away. In break away from tradition, McCarthy will infact by sending out cards this year. So far a list of five recipients has been drawn up, so if you think there is a chance that you could be recieving a card from Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity this year (providing he has an address for you of course!) then be sure to keep your eyes peeled on that letter box.

And finally, in memory of the bygone days of 2004-2006, McCarthy has decided to return to having golden locks. The move has been recieved with a mixed reaction, with comparisons to WWE superstar Goldust and Eminem being of slight concerns. Here is a picture of the damage with McCarthy's new hair stylist, Carla,, taken on a recent night out:

A (Belated) Happy New Year!

2010-01-13T11:20:00.000Z

A belated happy new year to all your listeners out there. Christmas and New Year has proven a particularly busy time for Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity, with things to see, people to do and the general setting in of a drunken haze and return to meat eating. First things first then - as many of you know, food is one of my great passions. Having been a vegetarian since September, Christmas dinner was met with a sense of aprehension. Would I like meat? Would my body reject it? Would my head explode, splattering family with pieces of brain and skull bone as I failed to deal with animal in my mouth? Thankfully, the answer to all these questions was no, which lead to the most pleasing Christmas dinner of my life. I cannot begin to describe the explosion of joy in my mouth when that first piece of meat was digested - without a doubt the highlight of 2009.

Christmas Eve was once again a terrorist opportunity missed by any Muslim extremists out there. The pillars of Burgess Hill had once again gathered in St Edwards Church. Had Al-Queda struck, they could have removed not just McCarthy, but Chapman and Martin Jupp, thus in one clean sweep eliminating the towns two biggest celebrities and the owner of the premier fish and chip facility. This years service was, on the whole, dissapointing. Having championed it to Miss Katie Knight as well and convinced her to attend, this was particularly upsetting as it fell well short of expectations.

New Years was spent enjoying curry in The Weald, with McCarthy being sick on no less than two occasions. He was, however, not the culprit who covered the gentlemans bathroom floor with vomit. Having paid a visit moments before Robert Jones, Jonesy managed to escape the bathroom with nobody bar myself seemingly noticing him going in - which naturally lead to myself being named as the guilty party in floorgate. I have, however stressed my innocence by sinking to a low I never thought I would have to - revealing that, back in 2004, it was infact Jones who blocked Kelly Salmon's sink with sick at a house party, and left it in there, which resulted in Bert Lloyd taking the blame for a crime he never committed. The man from the Rhonda Valley is obviously a vomit feind, as he has once again let one of his friends take the fall for his lack of skill when it comes to being sick into a toilet. I hope he feels suitably ashamed.

McCarthy has now returned to Cheltenham, where he begins his final stint as a university student. It is a scary though to think that I will have to join the real world in six months time as, unlike Chapman, I am not able to doctor a note regarding illness. There are, however, ways around joining the real world that I have been privy to information on - namely, scandanavian countries do not charge foreign students for masters degrees apparently. This has lead to me carrying out some very real research into just what the University of Lapland could offer me, except for a high cost of living and snow.

Speaking of snow, McCarthy has incurred two injuries already thanks to the white powder. 48 hours ago attempts to slide down a road where thwarted with a twisted ankle, which due to the lack of any form of first aid kit in Danny Granville Street has lead to it having to be iced using a frozen pizza. And then yesterday, the dangers of sleding on a metal storage heater cover were highlighted as Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity took a particularly steep drop on Cleeve Hill at around 20mph, with the result being no control over the route taking and a subsequent collision of shin bone on heavy red sledge.

Finally, another new project from the McCarthy-Chapman production line is starting to come together - Blokes on Soaps will be an on-line blog and eventually podcast in which we will discuss what is going on in the soap opera's of England and Australia in a blokes manner. Things are still at a tenative stage, so bear with us as things pick up - but for those who like the Randy Lawford mentality, then you are in for a treat

University Essays Galore

2009-12-19T19:09:00.000Z

Two months since the last entry, and finally I have returned to the diary. It has been a stressful month since the return from the Eastern European adventure, with no less than the following to be completed before finishing university for the calendar year:

* 4000 word essay
* Design, write and produce 8 pages of a magazine
* 2000 word reflective essay
As you can see, this has lead to a stressful run up to the yule time season. But I am pleased to report that it has all been done, completed and handed in. This has left McCarthy to enjoy life back as a Burgess Hill citizen, which has included four visits to the Weald in seven days, meeting and greeting various people, the completion of the 2009 Christmas Video, a night out in Brighton and the snow that has graced Mid Sussex in the last couple of days

Regarding the last two points, I would firstly like to highlight the dangers of sledging. Two injuries were incurred on our visit to the South Downs yesterday, with one being far more serious than the other. One occupational hazard of not owning a sledge is when you have to improvise for a snow negotiating piece of equipment - and this year, Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity came up trumps with the use of a large, metal storage heater cover. This had sharp metal edges, which when you are hurtling down a hill at some speed can cause problems - especially if you happen to fly off and catch your bottom on these sharp bits, resulting in the cutting of posterior, as happened to McCarthy

For our unlucky friend Robert Jones, things were far more serious after he got his ankle caught under a proper sledge as Chapman bailed off following a two man effort down the hill. This resulted in an ankle that was unable to be walked on, and we still await news of the Rhonda Valley Rippers condition. Naturally, we did all we could to help ease his pain by laughing, with Chapman going one step further and shutting the door of the McCarthy Mobile on his bad ankle. While this may sound cruel, I also wish to point out that we spent and hour and a half getting Jonesy down from the top of the hill to the bottom, using a mixtures of careful sledging, piggybacks, firemans carry's and ultimately the flagging down of a car passing along Underhill Lane to get him safely to the vehicle.

And with regards to the night out in Brighton - never rely on Road Runners to get home from the city. They are the most inept, pathetic and ultimately shit taxi company around. It was thanks to their ineptitude that, despite having booked a taxi home for 3am Friday morning, McCarthy, Jones, Potter, Wright and Lloyd found themselves stranded in the snowed in city as they decided not to show up to pick us up, taking the attitude instead of telling Potter to "fuck off" when we phone to enquire. This resulted in hanging around in the station for two hours as we awaited the first train home - but this also lead to a delightful walk from Burgess Hill station back to McCarthy Towers in the untouched snow. It was beautiful

Christmas approaches at pace, with tomorrow including the Weald Christmas quiz where we ultimately will turn up, expect to win and lose. And then, finally, Christmas arrives which means one thing - MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT. After three months of tough vegetarianism, Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity will return to the world of the meat eater. And I can't bloody wait

Romania/Moldova/Ukraine

2009-11-02T17:08:00.000Z

Upton and Kelly in Cheltenham

2009-10-19T23:39:00.000+01:00

Another ludicrous weekend has been and gone. This saw Sam Upton and Jon Kelly attend Cheltenham for a Friday night of delight, in which we lasted the distance in the traditional Friday night venue of Fever. Saturday saw us go on an epic road trip to Rotherham in search of Sven Goran Eriksson, and I am delighted to report that we found the great man alive and well in the directors box of the Don Valley Stadium.

That is all there is to report, as we move rapidly towards this years pre-Christmas foreign jolly up, with departure for the epic trek across Romania, Moldova and Ukraine only two weeks away

Becoming a Vegetarian

2009-09-29T10:18:00.000+01:00

Many developments in the life of Scott McCarthy in recent weeks. I have now completed the introduction and chapter one of my book, I have returned to Cheltenham for what could quite possibly be the final time, our new Brighton and Hove Albion site is growing day by day, and most interestingly of all, McCarthy has turned to vegetarianism.

I decided to use what is likely to be my final year of doing effectively nothing before entering the world of employment to embark on another test of endurance. Long time readers of this diary will remember my attempts to change my sleeping patterns so I was getting just four hours a night, and the time I tried to stay up for as long as possible, managing around 40 hours if memory serves correctly. This time, it was a straight choice - pick an abstract religion to join or become a vegetarian. I went for the latter.

I have now been meat and fish free for exactly two weeks - a fine achievement for someone who enjoys meat as much as myself. Originally, I was told that there was no way that McCarthy would last a week without eating meat, but all expectations have been surpassed. The aim now is to see how long I can go, with the long term target being set of Christmas day, at which I will gouge myself out with all manner of meat. Should the plan be concieved as attainable, I may even attempt to go the whole of 2010 without meat.

I would like to thank my supportive friends thus far, who have done everyone possible to put me off - ranging from buying a KFC bargain bucket, eating half and leaving the rest in the middle of the floor to actually physically throwing a piece of ham at my head at a recent party. None of these techniques have put me off, and I remain devoted to the life of the herbivore.

So much of my time has been taken up with these new projects that I have not had time to update mac-i in quite a while. Therefore, there will be about a hundred updates coming in the space of the next few days, so make sure you keep your eyes peeled. Even more shocking is that I haven't found anytime to arrange any form of birthday celebration for Scott McCarthy Day XXII. Any ideas would be much appreciated, so feel free to contact me through Facebook or some other means. After all, you are only 22 once. And for the following 364 days.

Heavy Heavy Weekend

2009-08-11T17:03:00.000+01:00

Jesus wept. What a weekend. You know it has been a good Friday night when you wake up in a bed with a naked Robert Jones, and don't really recall getting there. The blame for this situation can be laid solely at the feet of the usual culprit - Westons Original. Too much consumption of this potent cider, coupled with the ridiculous decision to mix with cognac resulted in a strange evening occurring. Most of the evening is rather clear, and I certainly remember going to bed in a small bed with Neil Kane, before awakening in a double bed with Jonesy. Perhaps, dear listeners, I am becoming a prostitute, and this is a sign that the life of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity is spiraling from one disaster to the next, without me really being aware of it.

It has also been decided that I share an uncanny resemblance with Seth Rogen, following the viewing of the excellent movie Knocked Up. This, coupled with the fact that McCarthy and Kane had to have a corkscrew confiscated from them as they contemplated seeing how far McCarthy's foreskin could stretch with the said device leads to the conclusion that not enough house parties happen these days, and only leaves me to thank Katie Knight for hosting such an event. Hopefully negotiations can go smoothly in order to place the images onto mac-i at some point

Saturday then saw McCarthy take the ludicrous decision to begin consumption at midday with a bottle of champagne outside of Hove Station with Rumble, before far far too much drink was consumed over the course of the day, ending in some disgusting behaviour on the street followed by drinking with my second member of the Jones family in 24 hours, as me and brother Christian enjoyed several more beers

Sunday was by far and away the highlight of my footballing career, as Team Croc, the team fancied to come second last in the North Stand Chat Summer Sixes Tournament, pulled off a bigger shock than Greece winning Euro 2004 as they claimed the trophy, thanks in part to an unbelievable final performance from McCarthy, summed up with three match winning saves in a 0-0 draw, before Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity went onto score his sudden death penalty shoot out spot kick, before saving the immediate next one to bring the trophy back to Croc HQ

Put simply, one of the best weekends of the year. And rounded off nicely with the launching of WE ARE BRIGHTON, which Peter Chapman has put a ton load of work into and with the result being a superb one. With more improvements to come, it is already looking like one of our best projects yet!

Another Disgraceful Lords Day

2009-07-29T10:18:00.000+01:00

It has been a long time since such drunkern McCarthy scenes as Saturday have taken place. Stolen wet floor cones, attempts to chat up Polish and Hungarian women and bizarely, a German man, slices of ham thrown about on a tube train before being placed down the heating duct, street urination - it all took place. Many readers may ask, Scott, why? And the finger of blame can be easily pointed at Michael Yardy and Sussex Sharks - had they of not been such a disgrace in Saturdays Friends Providents Trophy Final, then there would have been no need to drown sorrows and no need for the carnage that followed - mainly induced by a £12 rum punch purchase. However, despite the problems on the field, it was another fantastic day out, and hopefully just a taste to come for our Ashes experience in two weeks time

McCarthy will be jetting off on early his second holiday of the year in a few weeks time, as another couple of weeks will be spent in the excellent hospitality of the Collin family in France. Last time they ensured I ended up horrendously sunburnt and in a drunk stupour for the majority of the week, as well as experiencing what eating a chicken bone is like, so we can only hope for more of the same on this visit

Roadworks have been ongoing outside McCarthy Towers in recent days, with Tom McCarthy claiming responsibility for one of the situations following his constant complaints about potholes resulting in resurfacing of the Royal George-West Street-Sussex Way roundabout taking place. It is causing no end of issues for motorists, but I am pleased to report that Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity has taken one for the time by dishing out punishment via the eating of the entire Towers stock of Edam

And finally, for those who are friends with myself on Facebook and wish to see an unbelievably piece of footballing ability, check out the video entitled "McCarthy's Volley". It is the most stunning goal you will ever see in your life. End of.

Chucklehead Cider

2009-07-17T16:00:00.000+01:00

Dear oh dear listeners - what have I learnt in the last week - never ever consume 8 pints of Chucklehead at 7% that is out of date and thus more potent, and then try and wash that down with 8.2% Westons. Those lucky guests who attended Saturday's BBQ will be able to tell you why, as my state denoted. Usually, McCarthy makes it until the end of the event, the last man drinking, sometimes even into mid morning the next day as was the case in 2007. This year however, Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity was passed out by around 1am, and when I attempted to go to bed I got as far as getting up before collapsing in a heap. This then resulted in toe nails being polished, which I am still unable to remove due to a distinct lack of nail varnish remover.

Despite the rain and my mishaps, it was generally a good night. Nothing untoward happened which made a pleasant change, and the Towers garden was once again left in a respectable state, so many thanks to all who attended. You can check out the action on the BBQ pages

On Monday, the Hamsters made their long awaited return with a convincing 11-1 victory over the Diamonds. It was a delight to be back on the football pitch, and it has inspired us all to play on a more frequent basis. Naturally, being obese, chronically unfit and bone idle this inspiration will never be seen through, but it was nice to think that we considered it for a moment

My two weeks of work experience is now completed, and once again, I have two back page leads to my name. This journalism lark is all too easy, which is in contrast to my book, which has still not got beyond the introduction stage. This is something I intend to work on in future weeks dear diary, as is my quest to complete Pokemon Red which has stalled completely since returning to university - neither of these matters is being aided by my obsession with Bejewelled Blitz on Facebook - something that is beginning to take over my life

Finally, two birthday shout outs - Dougie Lane was 21 last Saturday, and it is chief advisor Bert Lloyd's birthday tomorrow - happy birthday chaps, and I look forward to partaking in many drinks in the next 48 hours to celebrate

Paris Jackson

2009-07-07T17:01:00.000+01:00

Debate flies around McCarthy Towers tonight - how, exactly is Michael Jackson's daughter white? Answers on a postcode

The annual McCarthy Industries BBQ takes place this Saturday, which has no doubt left great excitement across Burgess Hill. Comparable to anything on the social calendar in the town, it is once again expected to be a night of ultimate disgrace. In the past, the night has seen affairs, blood, tears, a destroyed fence, hayfever problems, love, not a lot of hate, good food and good drink. What will this years BBQ bring? Tune into McCarthy Industries next week to find out

Oh, and just a quick message for Peter Chapman - ANSWER YOUR BLOODY PHONE!

Hectic June

2009-06-26T17:00:00.000+01:00

June has been a busy month, and as is the summer tradition this has mainly been based around cricket and working. Indeed, the people of Copthorne have been greeted with the sight of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity for the last few weeks should they chose to purchase petrol from their villages petrol station

The cricketing situation has been Sussex v Australia, photos of which will be on-line in the barmy army section at some point, along with the massive Friends Provident Semi Final taking place this Sunday

Another Feeling Randy is on-line - the first one to feature old BBC Southern Counties Radio favourite Leroy, and is well worth a listen if you enjoy political, and politically incorrect debate

Apart from that, its too bloody hot to sit hear typing in more. If this heat continues for much longer, then I might well just have to commit a violent crime involving soddomy and an animal. Peace out

wearebrighton.com - We are LIVE!

2009-05-25T11:34:00.000+01:00

Sussex Barmy Army is now on-line - having looked back at the images, I think it is safe to say that spending the entire day eating and drinking fruit can safely be described as a mistake

The new McCarthy-Chapman project is now underway, and can officially be revealed as http://www.wearebrighton.com. This website will, we hope, become one of the premier Brighton and Hove Albion websites out there, hosting not only match reports and previews and all other standard issue stuff you find on footballing websites, but also Crocs on Tour and a brand new, official Albion Moan In. After the couple of pilot shows we did last season were a relative success, especially with Ian Hart, host of the real fans phone in calling up, we have decided to make a bit more of a go of it next season. Unlike most of our other joint venutres down the years, this one looks like it might actually take off. Whether the dream of becoming rich and powerful through it occurs remains to be seen

A couple more Feeling Randy podcasts are on the way, and apart from that I can't think of anything else that has happened

University Year Two - Done

2009-05-17T16:56:00.000+01:00

Well minions, McCarthy has now completed his second year of university. It has flown by, and it is worrying to think that this time next year I will have to enter the real world, unless I can find a way of conning the government out of a load of money, ala Peter Chapman. This has been the reason behind the lack of updates, as revision has taken priority for my ONE exam, as well as the small matter of a trip to Munich, which is now available to view in the adventures section. There is going to be a plethora of updates on the way, as three lots of Crocs on Tour was added today, as well as the first Sussex Barmy Army outing of the season to be added at some point. This was the infamous day in which £65 was spent on simply fruit and veg, as we attempted to consume only foods and drink that would go towards our five a day - resulting in 31 a day being consumed

McCarthy returns to the Hill the first weekend in June, before heading back to Cheltenham a week later in order to partake in a charity football tournament. Being the Minor Celebrity that I am, it was no surprise to be approached to play in this event, and I am only too happy to help out. I can't actually remember what the charity is, but it is something to do with a child. Fear not, once I know you will be informed

Disaster definitely struck two weeks ago, when McCarthy lost/had stolen/had taken by Rumble who in turn lost it, his mobile. Naturally, when you are as popular and in demand as McCarthy, this is nothing short of a disaster. Luckily, once Vodafone and the local MCL shop got wind of this, they were only too happy to supply me with a new model within days. As if this bad luck wasn't enough, the McCarthy Mobile then this week suffered a total break down of the braking system, which has resulted in a costly repair job. Luckily, a nice piece of haggling saw me cut 20% off the original bill, and Iceland placing in second place in last nights Eurovision Song Contest certainly aided things as well thanks to my betting spree

Unfortunately, I am not sure how many updates will occur over the summer, as McCarthy and Chapman are putting the wheels in motion on yet another project. This one has potential to be a real money earner, unlike some of the other, quite frankly, bollocks ideas we have come up with other the years in order to become rich and powerful. Watch this space

Easter Break Revelry

2009-04-24T23:09:00.000+01:00

Bugger me. It has been a while dear diary. Since my last entry, I have returned to Burgess Hill, and then returned to Cheltenham. It has been an extremely fulfilling Easter break, full of a ridiculous amount of fun and frolics. Much time of it was spent working, as well as consuming copious amounts of alcohol. I have witnessed Neil Kane, Mark Potter, Andy Rumble and myself disgrace ourselves on more than one occasion in Brighton, mainly in Tru. Myself and Kane have carried out bar work at Hassocks Football Club, where needless to say I don't think we can be trusted to do in the near future.

Two games of rugby have been taken in, with Gloucester destroying one Welsh team, the Ospreys, 17-0 in the EDF Cup Semi Final, and then getting destroyed in the final by Cardiff Blues by a scoreline that is as painful as ghonorea and thus I would rather forget. McCarthy, Bert Lloyd and Robert Jones have completed an ale trail around London, in which all manner of ridiculous situations arose, culminating in Jones performing an unforgettable forward roll on a tube train. I have enjoyed drinks with several old acquaintances, which was particularly present, and been forced into eating a hot dog sandwich due to Chapman's lack of foresight with regards to hot dog rolls.

The university year is all but other now, which I am sure will please you tax payers to know that I am now afforded the luxury of sitting around until mid-September doing nothing, bar one exam, but funded by your money. Your money will also be funding the next stage of the quest to visit every country in Europe, as a Crocs on Tour outing to Munich takes place in two weeks time

It is, indeed, exciting times

Pokemon!

2009-03-23T21:39:00.000Z

Today signals the start of the last week on university before Easter, and as such fans of Scott McCarthy in Burgess Hill will be delighted to hear that he will be returning to Sussex next Friday. This return coincides with what is potentially one of the most exciting projects that McCarthy and Peter Chapman have embarked on, and unlike the Burgess Hill Star Wars/Wrestling Match/Re-done Amarillo/Burgess Hill Olympics/countless other projects that never happened, I believe this one will get off the ground. Things are still in the early developmental stage at the minute, but I am sure more details will be released soon

Recently, McCarthy has re-discovered his love for Pokemon on the Game Boy. The particular version I am currently ploughing through is Red, which I last completed just short of nine years ago. Once this is done, I will then crack on with the version of the game I have never completed thus far - Pokemon Gold. Having gone very quiet on the gaming front over the last few years, I have also begun playing a ludicrous amount of Mario Kart on the Nintendo Wii, including on-line battles with Peter Chapman, in which I haven't disgraced myself, and Bert Lloyd, in which to all intents and purposes I have been raped. For those who wish to play against Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity, you can add me with the following friend code: 1762-5812-4068. Please send me a Facebook message or get in contact with some way with your friend code, and let battle commence. I do hasten to add however, that this is only my university on-line Wii capability. Currently, there is no such facility at McCarthy Towers, but hopefully this will be addressed for the summer break

Cheltenham Festival 2009

2009-03-15T20:37:00.000Z

Ii is going to take something very very special to top this last week in terms of week of the year in 2009. Since Wednesday, McCarthy has consumed a ludicrous amount of alcohol, won a decent amount of money betting, had three brushes with the law including one photo, been asleep in a public road again on a mattress, gained a ridiculous amount of free items, bled, vomited and gone on a 16 hour long sleep. That is the sign of a good week

You can see all of the action in the Cheltenham Gold Cup 2009 page. What the last five days have taught me though is that the liver is a wonderful wonderful invention - and I once again have a lot more inspiration for my book

The latest addition of Feeling Randy is now on-line on Itunes, follow the link on the home page to get it as we discuss the one armed BBC presenter with a variety of people. Thank you to Chapman for his help in snorting it out.

Finally, happy birthday to Mark Potter for tomorrow, and I can only hope he gets smashed

New Look Website!

2009-03-08T12:01:00.000Z

I think its pretty safe to say why I have done fuck all updates recently, as the redesigned website indicates. What has happened is that I am due to start work on my first book soon. For now though, my arms out, my foot hurts, I am horrendously hungover after a ridiculous 24 hour consumption rate of alcohol, and I just want to go to bed - so bugger it, I am. You can expect a more in-depth update next time - probably in April, then

Too Much Bloody Uni Work

2009-02-23T18:09:00.000Z

University work - its a right bastard. This month has seen McCarthy inundated with projects, essays and all manner of other pointless tasks that needed to be handed in. That is in part the reason behind my lack of updates. Another reason is the bone idleness on my part. And the other reason is that myself and Chapman are extremely close to launching our latest project. Well, closer than we have got on any of our recent endeavors, which isn't really saying much

Apart from that, it has been a standard issue February. February is, I find one of those months, that just passes by with no point to it. I mean, it only has 28 days for a start. It features stupid and pointless celebrations such as Valentines Day, it sees lent begin, when people end up getting depressed because they can't do certain things they used to enjoy doing just because they have decided to give them up. So, with that in mind, it is hardly surprising that absolutely bugger all has happened in this month

McCarthy is also set to return to Saturday football this weekend, as he will pull on the jersey of Apperley and Tewksbury Dynamos to answer a goalkeeping crisis. It has been a year since I last appeared on a Saturday, and you can only hope that the chronic unfitness that has dogged my Sunday league season this year will not appear

That is all for now

2009 - The Year of the Spreadsheet

2009-01-30T14:56:00.000Z

Finally, an update for 2009 - a whole month after the new year began. This delay in updates has been due to McCarthy exploring an exciting new website potential project, that may well launch in 2009. Negotiations are at an early stage, put keep your noses peeled for further information

McCarthy has returned to university in Cheltenham, and promptly received food poisoning from an undercooked rasher of bacon. This saw a record SEVEN visits for excreting purposes in a 12 hour period, an effort that took its toll on both the Granville Street toilet, the Granville Street toilet paper supplies, and my bottom.

An exciting development for 2009 is the alcohol spreadsheet. I have decided to take it upon myself this year to record every alcoholic drink I consume, for the purposes of working out my total consumption, as well as exactly what drinks have gone into my body, where they have been consumed and other drinking related statistics.

For example, so far I can tell you that:

* 20% of my alcoholic consumption this year has come through Strongbow pints, with 9% being Blackthorn pints, and 10% Bulmers pints
* 22% of my alcohol has been drunk in Blush, a Cheltenham club.
* 48% of drinking has been completed in Cheltenham

Providing I am not too bone idle, I intend to dedicate an entire page to the drinking spreadsheet in the near future. Therefore, expect it in about December

The End of 2008

2008-12-30T19:01:00.000Z

Another year reaches its climax in quite an anti-climatic fashion, and so it is once again to look back and reflect. 2008 will mainly be remembered by myself as a year of holidaying, extensive traveling and experiencing other cultures around the world. In this past calendar year, I have paid visits to Prague, Czech Republic; Bordeaux, France; Katowice, Poland and Barcelona, Spain. While these trips have been draining ones, they have also been a great experience - I will never forget playing in the snow in Poland and realising a life-long dream of visiting Auschwitz. I will never forget leaving a club in Prague, only to discover that morning was so far upon us that the sun had already risen. I will never forget naming random French footballers to natives of Bordeaux in the early hours of a Sunday morning in an attempt to convey to them that I was Frenchman. I will never forget witnessing a Thierry Henry hat-trick at Camp Nou, and watching Rumble having to be instructed how to eat an omelet. I will never forget the amount of beer consumed throughout these trips, and a very much doubt my body will either.

As well as world travel, I have made a number of new friends this year, mainly through university. McCarthy also returned to the footballing arena after a nine month absence, turning out for first Bishops Cleeve, and now Apperley and Tewkesbury Dynamos. I have discovered, along with my work colleagues, the delights of the Hungry Horse, where a ludicrously large chicken bacon cheeseburger with all the trimmings and a stack of onion rings can be purchased for just over £5. I have become a regular at Kingsholm, spending countless hours drinking cider and watching rugby

Then there was nosegate. McCarthy destroying his perfectly sculptured face by taking a large chunk out of his nose. While the physical scars have begun to heal, leaving, well, a scar, the mental ones I fear will be with me all my life. I still wake up, screaming, over the moment that this handsome face was decimated, but as time goes by, so the pain will heal

Randy Lawford has continued to grow this year, winning the Play Radio karaoke competition, as well as regular appearances on other stations. There was also the infamous 'Miley Cyrus Shower Video', consisting of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity eating peanuts while topless. Unfortunately, after achieving just shy of 400,000 views, it was reported by some kill joy and removed by Youtube. Naturally, that kill joy will now be hunted down and brutally butchered, possibly using a cheese grater in order to answer that age old question - is it possible to kill someone with a cheese grater?

The early seed has been planted of a potentially big idea with regards to the Albion Moan In, and it will be interesting to see whether myself and Chapman can be bothered to pursue it any further, or like many other ideas it ends up on the scrap heap otherwise known as "ways to become rich and more famous"

And that has been about it. 2009 is another big year, with university work and no doubt many more foreign trips. Will McCarthy become a mother for the first time? Will a Westons Organic session finally end without the usual result of memory loss? Will I make it into the Big Brother house? Will my fitness detoriate further, so that the only way I can be maneuvered is through a complicated system of pullies? Will Burgess Hill Star Wars/Wrestling Match/Albion Moan In/KFC Challenge/Tennis Tournament/Twenty20 Cricket/Olympic Challenge/Remake of Amarillo occur? So many questions, so little answers

Happy New Year

McCarthy is ILL!

2008-12-23T13:53:00.000Z

Well listeners, we continue to tick down towards Christmas, and as is the usual position McCarthy has done bugger all. This has been put down to two main reasons - last week was the production of the excellent Christmas video, now available in the music section, and I was also suffering from a strong bout of man flu, no doubt bought upon by the extensive weekend of drinking that Dougie Lane introduced to Cheltenham

So, when I was not in bed attempting to shake the illness to allow me to carry out my Christmas duties, I was working hard on producing another corking video. This means that tomorrow, Christmas Eve, I will carry out my present shopping which could be categorised as a huge mistake, followed by the traditional drinking session in The Weald, followed by the traditional midnight mass trip to St Edwards, where all of Burgess Hills most influential people, including its minor celebrities, gather to welcome in this years festival

In other news, I have a chronic head ache. That is all to report, except to wish all you listeners a very merry Christmas, that may be filled with joy, revelry and disgrace

All I Want for Christmas Is You

2008-12-18T22:09:00.000Z

http://www.mac-i.co.uk/music/music.html

Dougie to Visit

2008-12-11T17:09:00.000Z

Its that time of year again minions, where everything is happening. December has seen the eagerly-anticipated Barcelona trip come and go, and an excellent time was had by all. Tomorrow sees Dougie Lane arrive in Cheltenham for what I have no doubt will be a messy weekend comprising of beer and rugby. Then, citizens of Burgess Hill, rejoice, for McCarthy returns to you on Sunday, which means Christmas song filming begins Monday

With all of this going on, plus the stress of Christmas shopping and the plethora of university work that had to be in for Tuesday, it is no wonder McCarthy is starting to go a little bit Chapman with regards to the thinning of hair on top. Luckily, the installation of a temporary ice skating rink has reduced stress levels, as Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity has been able to enjoy skating into other people, causing injuries to friends and most excitingly of all a collision with a small child. So for those of you out there struggling to deal with the stress of it all this year, find an ice skating rink, pay your money and then attempt to injure as many fellow skaters as possible. And that, ladies and gents, is McCarthys top tip for this festive season

Auschwitz

2008-11-29T02:19:00.000Z

Well minions, I am back from my three days away in Poland. It was a trip full of fun and frolic as is to be expected when McCarthy, Rumble and Witham go away together, and one that will leave me with many memories I will never forget. As many of you will know, it has been one of my life-long ambitions to visit Auschwitz, and I am pleased to say that that finally happened on Thursday. It was everything I had expected it to be and more - but I think the best way to describe it would be surreal. To stand looking into a pit where hundreds of thousands of people were gassed to death was one of the most bizarre moments of my life, and feelings which I am certain I will not experience again. I do not believe words do it justice - it simply has to be experienced

As well as Auschwitz, we got to drink a plethora of Polish beer, which resulted in a plethora of Polish vomit, perform 'Ordinary World' by Duran Duran at karaoke and various other moments of disgrace that will no doubt pass into the halls of legend, most notably not getting charged for out hotel room at this current moment in time

Apart from that, the university workload is increasing at an alarming rate, especially given the fact that next weekend we embark on another European adventure, this time to Barcelona for the big game, Barcelona v Valencia. And of course, Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without the Christmas song now, would it....

Abroad We Go

2008-11-25T12:29:00.000Z

Nothing really to say this week - I am just preparing myself for what is due to be an emotional few days due to a top secret trip that I will be undertaking with two members of the Croc team. More details to follow

Oh, and happy birthday to Peter Chapman. May he enjoy the descent into middle agedness with renewed vigour

The Birth of the Albion Moan In

2008-11-17T10:34:00.000Z

Once again, I will begin this entry with the standard issue apology for lack of updates. This time, unlike normal when I spout out some bollocks reason, there is a genuine reason, and it is this - The Albion Moan In. Yes listeners, following Ian Harts sacking from Southern Counties for using the term 'window lickers', there has been a noticable drop in the standard of the fans phone in. Myself and Peter Chapman decided to address this by working on our first project in a few months, by producing our own webcast. It has been relatively successful, namely in the fact that after just ONE of our shows the BBC made the move to reintroduce Harty to the airwaves. If you want to check out what we have done so far, then visit http://www.socceramworld.com for more information

Apart from that, there are a few more potential offerings of Feeling Randy in the pipeline, and of course the Christmas Song to come. This will, obviously mean that I will be struggling to keep good old mac-i up to date, but I will try and give you fans the McCarthy fixing that you need

Finally, this Friday I am taking one lucky female fan to attend Gloucester v Bristol in the West Country derby. Slight problem is that she is a Bristol fan, and as such I will have to do all in my power to prevent any domestic violence type-incidents occurring.

Two Holidays and Some Wrestling

2008-10-30T21:35:00.000Z

Well listeners, it would be wrong not to begin this entry by wishing you a belated Scott McCarthy Day. Yes, last Friday I celebrated another milestone birthday, reaching the grand old age of 21. This was celebrated by myself and housemate Alex Retter visiting 11 pubs in Cheltenham, drinking 13 pints of alcohol, and reigning in McCarthy Day by performing a fantastic rendition of that Duran Duran classic 'Rio' on the Playstation 3 game Rockband. Our mission to visit every pub in Cheltenham is coming along nicely now, and I hope to later this week add our efforts as a page on here for all of the fans to see what exactly has been going down in the hood.

Saturday saw McCarthy and co travel to Wembley for the England v Kazakhstan game, details of which are now in the McCarthy Day XXI section. It was a good day all round for Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity, as I picked up £42 worth of betting winnings, courtersy of Rio Ferdinand scoring the first goal, the draw half time-England full time combination, and selecting the closest minute to the first goal in the Mac-i sweepstake.

Meanwhile, an exciting addition to the McCarthy Media portfolio could be in the pipeline. Negotiations are at a delicate stage currently, but an exciting new media experience could be about to eminate from the McCarthy Pad in the not so distant future, so keep your noses peeled for that one

Happy Scott McCarthy Day!

2008-10-13T23:49:00.000+01:00

Night out in Oxford

2008-09-30T22:11:00.000+01:00

Another weekend of fun and frolics was the name of the game for McCarthy, as myself, Tom Witham and Sam Upton graced Oxford with our presences on Saturday night. Despite the warnings of McCarthy's Oxford fans that O'Neils is the place to go if you want to get stabbed up, McCarthy and co managed to survive long enough to note the delights that this town famed for its university has to offer - namely a KFC that is open until 2am. With high fives all around and the thought of such an American idea being taken up on our septic isle, we tucked in. Unfortunately, this resulted in a rather disgusting sight in the toilet bowl of the McCarthy pad the next day, as indeed all of the salad from my twister meal passed straight through my body - whole - and into the pan. Unfortunately, I was too shocked by the lack of digestion to take a photo

Sunday saw me make my second appearance for Apperley & Tewkesbury Dymnamos Sunday team, and it also heralded a second win of the season. Naturally, the local press are hailing my return to Sunday football after over a years absence as the catalyst for this dramatic rise up the table, but I am keeping my usual level head on things by claiming responsibility for only one of the results. No point in getting big headed now, is there?

Scott McCarthy Day XXI approaches alarmingly close as we enter the month of October tomorrow, and details on how you can celebrate another milestone in the life of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity will be made available at a later date.

Official - McCarthy is a Cock

2008-09-25T11:34:00.000+01:00

After two weeks without the internet in the brand new McCarthy Pad, we are finally online thanks to the wonders of Virgin Media. There we go, the excuse for lack of updates is out of the way early this entry.

McCarthy is now back in Cheltenham until Christmas, which is good news for Gloucestershire residents and bad news for Sussex residents. University this year is taking a slight side note to the main issue that is the aim of McCarthy and fellow housemate Alex Retter, as we are attempting to visit every single licensed premises in the town. A massive task that has begun in earnest, with a current average of 2.5 pubs a week - something that is going to be needed to be improved if we are to reach our target

In other news, McCarthy was recently spotted on Sky Sports news dressed as a giant cockerel, as himself and Oli Wright undertook the task of parading the County Ground, Hove as the mascot of Cockspur Rum in order to be given £20 worth of free rum over the course of the cricketing evening. Unfortunately, McCarthy ended up stacking it when some young hoodlums took advantage of his slightly drunkern state, and used the classic technique of one kneeling behind, the other pushing to ensure I ended up on my tail. Like all good mascots, I did not lose my head though

Cheltenhams Favourite Minor Celebrity has also spent a small amount of time in Portsmouth recently, where he was joined by Zoe Emett and Bert Lloyd in visiting Robert Jones house. It was a fine stay, with a large amount of alcoholic consumption taking place and delightful visits to HMS Victory and a foreign land in the Isle of Wight

Work Experience and Dead Rabbits

2008-09-01T17:56:00.000+01:00

It has been a week of sheer hard work for Burgess Hills Minor Favourite Minor Celebrity. I have in the past week undertaken a week of work with the Sussex Express, Lewes local paper that is their version of the Mid Sussex Times. The most important pages in a newspaper are, as everybody knows, the front page, page three and the back page. While some journalists have to wait a long time into their journalistic career to see there name and story on one of these pages, McCarthy achieved it only 4 days into his first ever working week on a newspaper, with an interview with Lewes FC manager Kevin Keehan

As if being a Burgess Hill Minor Celebrity and having a video of myself topless eating peanuts viewed by in excess of 88000 people, I have now added the people of Lewes to those whom I can consider touched by the abilities of McCarthy

On Saturday night, myself and Luke Vick had an interesting evening in Jacobs Post, as we exited the bar at closing time to find a couple of dead rabbits being beheaded in the back of a truck, before being thrown across the street by various members of the public. Eventually, one man had seen enough and confiscated the rabbits, throwing them into a small, bricked off area outside Lloyds TSB and then proceeding to stand guard over them. One of the more surreal moments in the history of Burgess Hill night life, and one that Luke Vick describes in full audio glory HERE

And just incase the full impact of this surreal moment hasn't registered with you, here are some images of what was witnessed:
People gather either side of the street outside Jacobs Post as the rabbits go flying across the road
This large man was responsible for the confiscation and protection of the rabbits
After going for a kebab, McCarthy and Vick wandered back home via the scene of crime, where the rabbits were now unguarded
A shocking scene if ever there was one

My work experience continues in vein this week, before the long-awaited return to Cheltenham in two weeks time. Exciting times

Broken Nose!

2008-08-24T18:09:00.000+01:00

Minions, sorry for the lack of updates again. Unfortunately, I suffered a rather nasty sporting accident that has seen me temporarily out of action. No, this is not simply an excuse, but here is the living proof:

This will happily explain my absence from social events in recent weeks, as I have sought to recover properly in order to ensure that I do not lose my boyish good looks/end up with nose amputation issues

The Randy Lawford podcast is now coming along nicely, and myself and Chapman are closing in on a deal to bring an interview with a rather popular chap to the first 'original' podcast - ie one that isn't just a load of recycled radio calls

Apart from that, I have bugger all to report

Feeling Randy - It's Here!

2008-08-11T19:37:00.000+01:00

Feeling Randy - search for it on Itunes, and enjoy!

Lawford Topless - 17th Most Viewed UK News and Politics YouTube Video!

2008-08-07T09:59:00.000+01:00

Citizens, rejoice! It is a year today that McCarthy returned from his triumphant overseas trip to Canada. In the year since I have returned, Britain has no doubt become a better place. There have been no more floods, the weather has been good and the only negative things of note are rising crime and a muppet in charge masquerading as Prime Minister

Randy Lawford has recently scored his highest Youtube video, with THIS effort. At the time of writing, it had scored 31,392 views and was sitting pretty as the 17th most viewed News and Politics video in the United Kingdom this month. A fine result for a video lasting under a minute which merely consists of myself eating peanuts by a swimming pool

Residents of Lewes will soon be able to rejoice also, as McCarthy is due to enter into negotiations with a local company that could see Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity coming into their town to work for a few weeks. It will no doubt raise the profile of the county town of East Sussex far greater than anything else has in recent years

Tomorrow, McCarthy and Witham are set to undertake their biggest maze challenge yet. Having successfully negotiated Legoland, Leeds Castle and Hampton Court Palace, we will take on one of the toughest mazes there is with the Tulleys Farm Maize Maze. Will we make it out alive? Will we be able to steal a donkey? Will there be attractive women in there to fondle as we navigate? Tune in at some point in the next month to find out!
L

Golf AND Cricket

2008-08-04T12:49:00.000+01:00

Busy times have been taking place at McCarthy Towers in recent weeks readers. After many months of broken promises, potential releases and general bone idleness, myself and Peter Chapman have nearly, finally, got the 'Feeling Randy' podcast onto Itunes. At this moment in time, its is merely a few of Randy Lawfords phone calls to various radio stations regurgitated, but it is a huge step towards getting some original material onto there, and our ultimate aim in trying to break into the Top 100 downloads. It is also a very good feeling personally to finally get a project to take off. Before this moment, our long-term and challenging project list consisted of such current whales as the Star Wars movie (planned to begin summer 2004, 4 years on = a quarter of a script written. Which has now been lost) The Burgess Hill Wrestling Match (planned to begin autumn 2004, revived in February 2008 = half a promo written) and various gorilla antics which have never happened. But now the podcast is up and running, hopefully successfully, it may encourage us to complete those other projects. Although I wouldn't hold your breath

On Friday, McCarthy and Lloyd stepped into the field of conflict that is the golfing arena. We learnt one thing from this whole experience, and that our handicap is ultimately playing golf, as we are awful. Nonetheless, we intend to keep attempting to better ourselves, and who knows, maybe one day we will make it to around the 20 over par mark. Any challenges wishing to take part in the golf challenge should get in contact and they will duly be taken up. Unless they are good, in which case you can go away

Cricket is also on the agenda, with Bert Lloyd attempting to organise another Twenty20 match that have become something of a summer tradition in the mac-i calendar. And with Robert Jones putting himself forward to organise a tennis tournament, there is plenty on the cards for the next two months until university is resumed.

Working in Copthorne

2008-07-24T20:18:00.000+01:00

I don't mean to brag listeners, but two times in a week this website has been updated. Could this see a return to the good old days when it was updated virtually every week? Well, to be honest I wouldn't hold your breath as McCarthy has no returned to the world of full time work. This week, it is the residents of Copthorne who have been blessed with my presence, as I have been working in the north of our fine county. Fear not though people of Cockfield, McCarthy will be back with you next week!

In other news, well, there isn't really any other news

Prague and Bordeaux - DONE

2008-07-21T12:11:00.000+01:00

Well, there we have it. Summer is virtually over. What do you mean by this Mr McCarthy I hear you cry? Well listeners, my summer holidays to both Prague and Bordeaux and done and dusted, Crocs on Tour is back, and the event that epitomises the summer, the 2008 BBQ, has now been and gone. It is now a downwards trip towards the next big event in the calendar - McCarthy turning 21

As you may or may not have noticed, I have uploaded a review of myself and Chief Advisor Bert Lloyds trip to the south of France, and needless to say it was a fantastic event. The Prague review will be on-line if/when Neil Kane sends me his Prague merchandise in terms of photos. And the BBQ stuff will be on-line later this week, which means for the first time in lord knows how long, there will be MORE THAN ONE update in a month! Almost worth kissing a total stranger over isn't it?

Holiday Season!

2008-06-27T13:29:00.000+01:00

Another month of no updates, so once again I apologise. This goes down to a few simple facts - the ordering of the North American Sports Network has seen McCarthy have all manner of programmes to watch - baseball, hockey, and punditry involving classic over-the-top Americans with superb and somewhat ridiculous terms. It also has been dictated to by the fact that I have been working on some other projects, as well as my employment at Esso seeing me working as harder as the proverbial slave

The McCarthy holiday season begins in earnest this weekend, as Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity will be joined by Tom Witham, Neil Kane, Mark Potter and Andy Rumble on a vacation to Prague. With the city being well known for its superb night life, I am personally most looking forward to visiting the zoo and castle. Then, on my return to England, I head off to France alongside Bert Lloyd, to spend a week alongside Dan Collin and his family. My low tolerance of the French will be put the test, but with Bert being the sea of calm alongside me I am confident no issues will arise, and this will also allow the opportunity to buy a replacement beret following the loss of my previous one

So, there you have it - the excuses are lined up for why there will be no updates again. Snorted like a pig finding a truffle

Play Radio UK - The INVASION

2008-06-12T11:59:00.000+01:00

Firstly, I would like to apologise for my lack of updates. This has been down to a chronic failure of every single computing device at McCarthy Towers. Firstly, the portable telecommunications device placed on ones lap developed a fault that meant it wouldn't turn on, and then the mainframe system decided to effectively blow up. It has been a long two weeks disconnected from the information super highway, but I am pleased to announce we are back and ready for a summer of fun

The time has not been wasted though, as I have been able to secure several archive McCarthy TV files for upload in the future, as well as record some new material. Perhaps the biggest news of all though was McCarthy and Chapman making an appearance on Play Radio UK last Sunday - which can be seen HERE

Taunton and Thatchers

2008-05-20T19:29:00.000+01:00

Oh dear oh dear oh dear. I have been neglecting you haven't I website, nearly as badly as an Austrian locking his family in a cellar and creating an army of inbreds with them.

All kinds of occurrences have been occurring other the last few weeks. McCarthy has gone back to full time work at Esso in an attempt to raise some much needed capital. While the majority my fellow university students have suffered money worries all year, I have not due to my sensible nature of spending. However, this has been compounded in the last week with the discovery that my debit card is what you would more commonly refer to as knackered. While I await the kind people of my banking world to rectify the problem, I am down to using the one thing I didn't want to have to do, and have avoided all year - credit. But with sensible spending and not purchasing any essentials - ie food and toilet roll, I will survive this crisis just as Maggie survived the winter of discontent

Speaking of politics, since my last entry I have cast my vote in the local elections here in Cheltenhamshire. Now the big question many of you would have been asking was who did Cheltenhams Favourite Minor Celebrity give his all important vote to - the answer is the People Against Beurocracy Party. With Labour creating a complete shambles of the country, and the Liberal Democrats having a record of getting my goat a ludicrous amount of times, the lack of BNP on the card and other such protest votes meant that it had to be the PAB. On reflection, I was happy with my decision as I checked out the man whom I had voted for on their website on my return from the polling station, and saw him to be elderly and quite nice looking - the sort of chap you can imagine dressing up as Santa at Christmas for his relatives. With this nugget of information in mind, I felt only too good about my vote being cast

The last two days have been spent in Taunton, sampling the delights of the local Thatchers cider, which is up there with Westons in the 'blow your head off' stakes, enjoying cheap and rather vile wine alongside copious amounts of sausage rolls, biscuits and some suprisingly nice cheap Tesco cheese. Myself and Oli Wright also met some rather delightful Sussex fans, who were as drunk, loud and raucous as we were which was fantastic. It is just a shame the the Sussex performance was dire. Still, hot weather, strong traditional perry and cricket - life does simply not get any better than that, especially when combined with the chance to heckle Marcus Trescothick for having more stress worries than Robert Jones

Speaking of stress worries - one exam down, one to go, but lets just leave it at that. When you are answering an exam question with the answer "its something latin" you know that it hasn't gone overly well

A Week of Achievements

2008-04-29T15:45:00.000+01:00

In the last week, I have:

* Left a bucket in the middle of a corridor, causing my manager at Esso to fall over
* Nearly caused a mini riot in Bristol with the terminology of "inbreds"
* Managed to convince a University colleague to abandon his non-drinking philosophy for a day of football, causing him to end up sitting in the middle of a Cheltenham street, seemingly foaming at the mouth
* Seen an elderly lady with a full grown goatee beard
* Won myself a Bulmers t-shirt
* Eaten what most be approaching a world record number of McCoy's Crisps
* Single handedly ruined a rendition of "What can I do to make you Happy?" by The Corrs on Virgin Radio
* Confirmed the first McCarthy Industries European Residential Adventure in three years
That is all

Losing Weight - Lesley Style

2008-04-21T23:13:00.000+01:00

With work down at university, it has seen McCarthy move onto new projects - namely working at Esso. Yes, those lucky folks of Bishops Cleeve not only get to see their Favourite Minor Celebrity, but also their goalkeeper, who turns out tomorrow in the 4th teams last game of the season in an attempt to keep them in their division. Exciting times ahead on the pitch

In an attempt to get my weight down, I have rather foolishly taken up a challenge from a regular Play Radio contributor by the name of Lesley. This will involve me undertaking what can only be described as a rabbits diet for the next 5 days, which is supposedly to culminate in the loss of several pounds for myself on the way to the Play Radio UK Weight Loss Challenge Crown. Having already become their karaoke champion, it is time to step up to the plate and become the weight loss champion as well. Hopefully, Lesley can help me do this, despite the fact that I think he is a bit of a weird one

Horse racing on Thursday was a thrilling affair, and without the burden of Robert Jones on my shoulder and the luck he brings, myself and betting colleague were able to come away with a tidy profit - which for me included a £28.50 return on a mere £2 each way outlay.

Last week was also the scene of some outrageous hair accessory purchasing, as my hair is now reaching near-Alice bandable lengths for the first time in 3 years. The big question is, what to do with it next? I seem to have been through a multitude of styles since returning to this septic isle eight months ago, and am unsure where to go next. Perhaps something red? Perhaps something long? Perhaps something short? Or perhaps something involving Phil Mitchells face. Only time will tell

REMF 7

2008-04-14T20:17:00.000+01:00

Busy busy times in Cheltenhamshire as we come towards the end of the University year. My lack of updates has been down to the fact that I have been beavering away like a ferret in an attempt to get everything in on my deadlines - namely tomorrow. I am pleased to report that I am currently looking good to do so, and that is why I am able to update tonight - long overdue I am sure you will agree

Apart from the sheer amount of work, I hear you cry, what else has Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity been up to? Well, plans are still afoot to produce the Randy Lawford and chums podcast, although at this minute in time it is looking like it will join the ever growing heap of projects started but never continued - this thus far includes the Star Wars movie, the wrestling match and many other little things that I have since forgotten but probably should have got done

Unfortunately, Randy has become a victim of his own success, as last week I was lured into a Play Radio scam by presenter Arron Weedal, who spent most of Thursday and Friday pranking myself with requests for items that I don't own, let alone would be advertising for sale around Cheltenham. Arron was kind enough to send me the edited audio he produced for the Not the Tommy Boyd Show on Sunday in which Randy was 'punkd', and I will have that online for your enjoyment at some point in the next few weeks

This week holds more sporting endeavors, as the penultimate meet of the season is in town, so McCarthy will be gambling like a man with no arms going handgliding on Friday, and Saturday I will be offering my support to Gloucester in the run up to the Guinness Premiership Play Offs

Last Friday saw me back in Sussex for the Robert Eaton Memorial Game, a soccerball match in which Brighton fans partake against Crystal Palace fans. As has been the case in everyone of these games I have been involved in, we ended up taking away the victory and the subsequent messy night out in the city- despite the fact that this year I wasn't the only celebrity on show, as ex-England winger and one game manager Peter Taylor made an appearance for Palace. The celebrations culminated in myself sharing a Full English Breakfast at 4am in a seafront bar with none other than former Brighton legend Ricky Marlowe. who also played in the game. Here is the fine scene:

The Saturday saw me wake up on Andy Rumbles sofa, as fortunately I didn't manage to lose him over the course of the evening as so frequently happens to Mr Charles Ball. With no time to get changed, it was off to LUTON in the same suit, where what can only be described as an eventful day at the football occurred, before another night out in Burgess Hill. Thousands of pictures were taken of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity out on the town that he made famous, and I finally rolled in at 3am on Sunday morning, around 36 hours after setting out

Rapist Monkey!

2008-03-27T19:09:00.000Z

My time back in Burgess Hill has mainly been spent working - and as such, there is very little to report. Except for this FANTASTIC story I stumbled across in The Sun earlier today:

Yesterday I added the Emirates Stadium to the list of stadia I have visited when I attended Brazil v Sweden, and naturally, a full review will be on-line in the Adventures section at some point in the future. Oh, and if you have ever wanted to see a feeble attempt of a man trying to neck a tub of baked beans, I suggest you check out the video of the Crocs on Tour trip to Nottingham Forest on Monday

Cheltenham Festival 2008

2008-03-21T00:09:00.000Z

I am not going to make excuses for the lack of updates - except it is all Peter Chapmans fault. His bone idleness in supplying me with fresh audio from recent radio appearances has seen me degenerate into a helpless wreck, and as such I have been as motivated to update this site as the McCann's were to be decent parents. His treason to the kingdom of McCarthy was such that some bugger decided to pinch his hub caps in the early hours of Thursday morning - an act I would like to place on record that I had nothing to do with, despite my previous record for vandalism of the old Chapmobile making me a key suspect. What this does prove though is that McCarthy is Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity, and that Peter Chapmans claims to be the Most Respected are now thrown into doubt!

This lack of updates also coincided with my return home to the Hill, where Jacobs Post reported record turnover on Saturday as McCarthy was in town. The women were soon dressed to impress, and an all round greater atmosphere engulfs the town - indeed, we didn't see one fight on our night out, a sign of the improved atmosphere I bring everywhere I go

Highlight of 2008 arguably occurred last week, when Robert Jones was in Cheltenham for the festival. Agreeing to meet him at 3.40pm at Cheltenham Spa station, I ended up in the pub next to the station 2 hours before his arrival, and with that days racing cancelled proceeded to get hideously drunk before arrival. Myself and Jones then continued drinking into the night, before I whipped up a Full English Breakfast of Truffles standard, unfortunately lacking attractive waitress serving, alongside a pint of Guinness. We then proceeded to consume a ludicrous amount during the course of the day over the racecourse, before ending the evening in the Student Union bar, where McCarthy's intoxicated state saw him propped up against a wall. And the good news - McCarthy's betting only saw him lose around 50p, while Jones, well, it was a typical Jones result really.

Anger on the Bus

2008-03-07T17:55:00.000Z

We are now into March, the third month of the year incase you didn't know. And worryingly, as I tick towards my 21st birthday, I fear I am turning more and more into a Victor Meldrew character, showing signs that I am degenerating at an alarming rate into Tom McCarthy already

Yesterday I decided to take the bus into Gloucester as I was bored. This made sound financial sense as I get free bus travel anywhere on the Stagecoach network in this area. While on the bus, I had sat behind me two posh girls whom I can only presume attended the very prestigious Cheltenham Ladies College. Anyway, as if the fact that they had their I pod on ridiculously loud wasn't enough, they decided to sing along to EVERY sodding song from Cheltenham to Gloucester. Just as McCarthy reached the end of his tether, they stopped. I felt a surge of relief, until they began reciting a Nickelback song. That was it, and I unfortunately lost it, turning around and saying "Look, if I wanted to go to a bloody Nickelback concert I'd buy tickets". It did the trick, they soon fell silent and unless I am very much mistaken at least one of them wanted me - for which you could hardly blame them

In other news, I appear to have suffered some sort of rib related injury during this weekends marathon of exercise, consisting of football on Saturday and football on Sunday. This will not, fans of Bishop Cleeve, keep me out of this Saturdays game with Tewkesbury Town, so there really is no excuse for you to not be in attendance to see McCarthys home debut

Next week is my last week in Cheltenham, as I head home for three weeks for Easter. This means all you Burgess Hillites have a brief opportunity to make the most of my presence within your town, during which I will once again be partaking in several projects, one of which has been on the burner for nearly 4 years now - and no, before anyone starts getting an erection, it is not Star Wars

Chapman's Visit

2008-02-28T23:20:00.000Z

An eventful week it has been in the McCarthy Penthouse. Fellow Minor Celebrity Peter Chapman has been and gone, and has no doubt left Cheltenham a more rounded and better individual for the visit. On Thursday, he was thrown into a mosh pit by McCarthy at a local club, and ended up flying through the air before bouncing off a wall, much to the amusement of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity. Friday saw us explore Cheltenham on a shopping visit, before the evening was spent in another club - Fever, this time with an 80s feel to it. This saw McCarthy, Chapman and guest Alex Retter nearly pull women who were old enough to take up a pension. Unfortunately for Chapman, these decrypted monsters believed him to be gay. Quite where the rumor of that came from is anyones guess. Saturday saw McCarthy and Chapman out again, this time to 70s club Boogie Lounge, where one man was so desperate to dance with his Favourite Minor Celebrity that he attempted to pull myself out of my seat, which resulted in a blow to the stomach for him. Needless to say he was soon removed by the bouncers, as they were desperate not to lose their most star-studded clientele.

Apart from that it has been a quiet time recently, with funds being conserved for the big one - Robert Jones visit in two weeks time. It will be the first true and proper drinking session between the two since the infamous summer of 2006, when Robert was frequently searched for drugs and other such shenanigans. With the prospect of Gold Cup week making Cheltenham a hotbed of top quality women, mainly from posh backgrounds who will thus be gagging for it, it is hard to see how they will be able to resist men of McCarthy and Jones quality

McCarthy does his traditional maneuver
Chapman happy to take part in his first bin trick

Chapman to Visit Cheltenham?!

2008-02-20T16:59:00.000Z

Great excitement has reverberated around the town of Cheltenham Spa this week, with the news being broken that the Cotswolds is set to be graced with the arrival of Burgess Hills Most Respected Minor Celebrity in Peter Chapman. Yes listeners, this is not some sort of sick joke, it is indeed true that Chapman will be staying with McCarthy from tomorrow until Sunday, taking in a weekend. This comes about following Chapmans disgusting and downright awful treatment of Burgess Hill School for Girls, during which he managed to spark national media coverage over an innocent little Youtube video, which incidentally McCarthy had nothing to do with. Being the man of compassion and generosity that I am, I invited Pete to spend a few days with me at the McCarthy Penthouse in order to escape the fanatical money men now after him for us diabolic actions in the last week. I am sure our activities will be featured in the University Pictorial

In other news, McCarthy made his debut for Bishops Cleeve IV on Saturday, in a 2-1 defeat. This, however, would have been a lot worse had it not been for myself, being awarded a clear man of the match accolade thanks to a set of stunning saves. As good as this sounds, it may be best to point out that the standard was certainly not the highest Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity has ever played at, but I was still a class above and it is the first step in the long road of regaining some fitness and a return to the Sussex footballing circuit

Finally, great confussion was caused at the Esso garage last Friday, when myself and co-worker Gavin decided to take advantage of some white plastacine that had been left lying around by sticking all the pennies down in the penny pot. This lead to many amusing situations in which customers struggled to remove their penny they required to pay for their petrol, and made the working day pass far quicker due to the ability to laugh at the stupidity of others

McCarthy's Footballing Return

2008-02-15T20:40:00.000Z

As is usually the case in these post-Valentines Day entries, I have to begin with thanking all you fans out there for the plethora of Valentines Day cards I received this year. While it may have been down on last years total, it was nice to know that while I may be gone, I am not forgotten in the hearts of Burgess Hillians everywhere

McCarthy gained legend status this weeks in the eyes of the Gloucestershire Fire Service, when he prevented a near-fatal fire from escalating. Yes listeners, some fool decided to leave a hob on in the penthouse kitchen, which then duly had a tea towel placed on top of it. Sensing a burning smell coming from the kitchen, McCarthy rushed in to see the tea towel burning. Without thinking of his own safety of welfare, he took this burning concoction of fabric, and placed it under the tap, saving a potentially dangerous fire. His efforts were not without sacrifice though, as severe smoke inhalation was the result, and this left Cheltenhams Favourite Minor Celebrity and fire safety hero coughing up all manner of mucus and other bodily fluids that were no doubt designed to remain in the spleen for the large part of last week. I can confirm that I have now made a full recovery

Last week was spent for the most part back in Burgess Hill, where myself and Chapman completed several projects that had been dragging on like a dead body caught under the bonnet of a car. This has, however, impacted the usual high quality service that we provide with regards to getting Randy Lawford material out to the masses, and I can only apologise for this. Randy is now nearly up to date however, and excitingly is taking part in the Play Radio Weight Loss challenge. Quite how he is going to lose weight he doesn't really have remains to be seen, but I am sure that modern science will provide a clever away around it without myself having to consume a ludicrous amount of carbohydrate loaded food in the next 48 hours

Tomorrow I make my long awaited comeback to the footballing arena, having been out of the game since September with a chronic lack of bone idleness. The excitement is no doubt building among the fans of Bishops Cleeve, as their 4th team gets the honour of having a former county youth league winning goalkeeper among its ranks. Oh how the mighty have fallen, but I guess that that is the result of a diet of cider, fast food and the will to do nothing except play Football Manager for 12 hours a day

McCarthy wins a Monkey!

2008-02-04T19:12:00.000Z

Well listeners, we have no entered the second month of 2008, and I really do have bugger all to say on the matter. The most shocking thing that has happened in the last week has been McCarthy winning a monkey for his efforts in pin the tail on the donkey at the Student Union bar. But fear not people, this is a toy monkey, and a puppet at that, which infuriatingly has seen the strings become all tangled up and as such it is now unusable

My quest to regain some form of dignity in the stomach area has recently taken a turn for the better, with two sporting announcements. In one, McCarthy is widely expected to accept the offer of a return to footballing action with Bishops Cleeve FC. I also enjoyed a kick about in the local park on Sunday morning with some chaps, that now looks as though it could become a regular Sunday event. We can only hope so, as I was living prove of the phrase "If you've got it, you never lose it", with some deft touches and a stunning Le Tissier-esque volley that missed the post by inches, only to clatter into a nearby car

McCarthy returns to Burgess Hill tomorrow night for the first time in a month, but this will only be a brief visit, as he joins Alison McCarthy and Tom McCarthy in a trip to Wembley to see Fabio Cappello's first game in charge of the England team - a visit that will no doubt end in disappointment given the disastrous form of our sporting teams in recent months - see England v Wales Six Nations for a prime example

Speaking of Tom McCarthy, I would also urge all you minions out there to check out the Skype FAQ latest entry, as we use Tom as one of our victims in an attempt to sell him gas - despite the fact McCarthy Towers is an all-electric facility.

House Hunting

2008-01-30T18:32:00.000Z

A great wave of excitement was pulsing through Cheltenham today, as the rumors were confirmed that McCarthy is indeed house hunting. Yes listeners, from next September McCarthy will no longer be in the McCarthy Penthouse flat, but will be taking up residence in a downtown establishment to allow him to be closer to the hub of the community. It means that one lucky road in this town will get a Minor Celebrity as there latest neighbour, which is no doubt going to increase house prices even more in the area and have people clambering to live near myself. Another example of the positive effect that my presence has on people

Last weekend I lost my Guinness Premiership virginity when I took in Gloucester v Wasps. It was a delightful day out, although I feel that my health may not have been done any favours by the unhealthy food consumption and drink consumption that an attendance at one of these games involves. It was infact a superb sporting weekend in the end, with Cheltenham Town inspired by my appearance into a 1-0 win over Carlisle, and then Gloucester winning 18-17 in front of my prying eye

On Friday, McCarthy was once again in court. It was rather boring, with just a series of pre-trial hearings taking place. Stereotypically, a black man was set to be done for drug dealing, and even more excitingly a black man who spoke no English was due to be charged with sexual assault. If he cannot speak English, then what on Earth is he doing in the country was my question - something that nobody could seem to answer, and just another example of what is going wrong in our once great country

Lawford Cops the Abuse

2008-01-23T12:09:00.000Z

Breaking news from the McCarthy Penthouse was heard yesterday about one of the biggest events in Burgess Hill history. While it is still in the planning stages, and a few issues remain to be ironed out, a potential movie is in the pipeline, featuring all manner of locations in the Hill. More to follow when details are released

Randy Lawford continues to make a name for himself in both the radio worlds and the world of Youtube. This time, he spend 30 minutes on Sunday nights Play Radio Chat Show, in which EIGHT callers called up to abuse him. As if this wasn't enough, his recent Youtube video, in which he instigates that all Star Trek fans are sad and need to get a life, peaked at the 2nd most discussed news and politics video in the UK on Monday, with comments coming in from all over the world. Most of these were excitingly derogatory, and mainly from fat Americans who one can only presume still live with their mothers

I will be making a trip to Gloucester on Friday to appear on court, although unfortunately it is not on any form of criminal charge, merely to report on a case. Hopefully it will be something juicy, like a rape case as opposed to j-walking

McCarthy TV - RELAUNCHED!

2008-01-09T23:49:00.000Z

It has been two hard days work at the McCarthy Penthouse in order to bring the site into the 8th year of this century, indeed this millennium, in style. Yes, after much searching of the archives, we can now present to you a fully updated version of McCarthy TV. Who needs Sky Plus remote record (because we believe you can be in two places at once), when you can have the entire library of McCarthy TV material available on-line, at ONCE. Yes minions, that is correct, every video that I have been able to find has been re-uploaded into the database to give hours and hours of viewing pleasure for either the chronically sad, the chronically bored or the chronically bed ridden

It has also been a busy time for Randy Lawford, as I seem to harp on about in every entry. All of his recent efforts in phoning up various radio stations have been uploaded to the audio section, at the request of several happy punters. Randy continues to work hard, and will this week by appearing on the Play Radio web cam at some point on Sunday evening dressed as Jesus Christ

McCarthy has also taken a further step in cementing his name among the greats of the community of Burgess Hill by taking up a position as columnist on Burgess Hill Uncovered. This prestigious role will act as a mouth piece for the towns Favourite Minor Celebrity to offer a serious insight into the goings on and the town, and to hopefully attract the attention of the public into making him their future dictator, while hopefully highlighting the problems that blight the town itself. Exciting times!

2008 is here!

2008-01-08T13:09:00.000Z

2008 is here, and it feels exactly the same as 2007. New Years Eve was what can only be described as a messy affair, as six tequila slammers before 10pm denotes. This year, McCarthy once again attended The Weald for the celebrations, and by the end of the night was significantly worse for wear. This was denoted with the starting of the New Years countdown a good minute early, which was met by outcry and joy within the pub. Once again, the buffet was delightful, with only the missing ingredient of cheese and pineapple sticks being a cause of complaint, and the ham was particularly good

Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity has now returned to the McCarthy Penthouse in Cheltenham, where there is no food in the cupboards. This problem will have to be resolved today for fear of dying of hunger, as a man of my stature needs to keep his perfectly toned body in line

That is really all I have to report in this early stage of 2008. Keep a look out though, as some classic audio courtersy of Randy is on the way - including him winning the 2008 Play Radio Karaoke Contest, and going national by recieving the biggest laugh of the night on Iain Lee's first ever show on Virgin Radio. Exciting times!

Goodbye to 2007

2007-12-30T21:08:00.000Z

Well minions, another year ticks to a close as we are less than 48 hours away from 2008. I will look back on 2007 with fond memories, ones which I have no doubt will stick with me for the rest of my life. It has certainly been a watershed year in terms of where I feel things are going. I spread my worldwide appeal by spending a wonderful four months in Canada. I saw some of the most wonderful sights in the world, met some wonderful people, and did some wonderful things. Highlights included sky diving, bungee jumping, white water rafting, hiking through mountains, camping miles away from civilisation surrounded by bears and wolves, and becoming a baseball fanatic.

Another key moment was my move to university - horning my writing abilities on a journalism course, engaging with new friends and getting up to capers in a new town has also seen McCarthy and his appeal grow. The discovery of Skype and a whole new market in terms of prank calls, and the development of McCarthy and Chapmans videos continues to be a positive. Perhaps the biggest and most important movement in 2007 was the creation of Randy Lawford. In the last month, Randy has had the 18th most viewed video on Youtube UK on Christmas Day, he has offended an entire town, an entire religion, and managed to cement his place as a key contributor to an international radio station. If he has managed to achieve this much in only a month of being born, imagine what 2008 can hold for him. I look forward to it with bated breath

On a personal note, it has been a mixed season in terms of sport. Brighton have been, to all intents and purposes, an absolute car crash of a club, while Sussex reached the Twenty20 finals and regained the County Championship. I have made several acquaintances this year, most notably during my time abroad, and am pleased to count even more people among my friends

In terms of new years resolutions, I only have one - and that is to not make a new years resolution

All that remains for me to do now is to sign off for 2007 by wishing you all a very happy new year, and may 2008 be filled with success and joy for you all

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-24T13:09:00.000Z

Another Christmas Eve ticks around, and once again the days leading up to it have been packed with drama and excitement. I am still yet to complete my Christmas shopping, something I must do as soon as mac-i is updated. My phobia of queues could mean that this becomes a stressful day for McCarthy, but one that will no doubt be finished in style in The Weald, followed by the traditional attending of Midnight Mass with my fellow Minor Celebrity Peter Chapman

On Saturday night, the sheer jealousy that I have to put up with due to my role in society and the town of Burgess Hill was highlighted when McCarthy was denied entry to Pulse. A mini revolt occurred, and a combination of one young lady fans enterprising mind in causing a distraction to the bouncers, and McCarthys quick thinking and pace to nip in the doors saw me enter. However, this was short lived, as I was eventually removed by the same bouncer after owning the dancefloor. It is a shame when these gentleman cannot handle the jealousy of being overshaddowed by Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity, and despite my good relationship with Pulse and the custom I bring them, I may have to reconsider whether I visit their bar again in the New Year due to their treatment of one of our towns great shining lights

Finally, may I take the opportunity to wish you all a very merry Christmas, and trust that your Yule time enjoyment be one of great satisfaction. God bless you, and God bless Burgess Hill

Christmas Video 2007 - DONE

2007-12-19T01:03:00.000Z

At approximately 0037 Greenwich Mean Time, the 2007 Christmas Video was completed. This one has broken all records - it has taken less than 48 hours from the first frame being shot to the video being made available to the public, it features more locations, more singers, its bigger, and it has resulted in me losing all feeling in my right leg. While all of those may not be true, I cannot be bothered to check the facts - but I can guarantee that the first two ARE

Unfortunately, my bone idleness, my need for prawn cocktail drinks and my tiredness cause my a chronic blocked nose restricting sleep last night means that the MP3 file is NOT yet available, but I will look to rectify that situation at some point in the future. All that remains for me to say is please enjoy it, responsibly, and any comments/favorites/ratings on the Youtube version will be appreciated greatly

Fred the Glass Collector

2007-12-13T22:04:00.000Z

I love Christmas. There are the jolly carols, people walking around with smiles on their faces, the fact that obese people are accepted, a sense of giving, a feeling of love all around, and university kitchen freezers needing to be emptied for the holiday. The last one has given me particular pleasure in the last week, as with two of my flatmates already home for Christmas, it has fallen down to myself to single handedly eat my way through everyone in the freezer. With good on offer ranging from waffles and pizzas to chips and cheese and ham filled breaded things, it means that I am back up to the standard five meals a deal that I have missed dearly since leaving for Canada. Infact, last night things got so serious that I was nearly sick through my food consumption - namely waffles, pizza, cheese pancakes and two double cheese burgers

Being my usual festive self, I have bought presents for everyone who lives in my flat, but at this time of year, my tight side comes out, in the fact that I am waiting for the last day to hand them out, in the hope most people have gone home and as such I can either keep them for myself, or reuse them as family presents

Last weekend saw Daniel Collin take the distinguished honor of becoming the first person to sleep in the McCarthy Penthouse following out night of disgrace in Cheltenham, which bizarrely saw us rejected by nearly every woman we attempted to talk to. McCarthy would like to put this down to the fact that Collin is a fat Northerner with French tendencies, and as such is as desirable as the bubonic plague. On the plus side however, we did meet a charming black man by the name of Fred in the club we frequented, who it turned out was from Nigeria. This lead to us naming as many Nigerian football players as possible, as well as questioning his viewing of the 1996 Olympic Games final, during which the Nigerians triumphed over Argentina to win the gold. He laughed and nodded along with us, although the suspicion is that unfortunately he didn't have a bloody clue what we were going on about

Football Manager Addiction

2007-12-03T16:20:00.000Z

The lack of updates for McCarthy Industries can be explained in several ways. One has seen me jump back into bed with a certain game entitles Football Manager. Loyal listeners will remember that, long ago, this diary used to become simply a tool for me to report back on my achievements in this game. Well, I am proud to add another to it, in my winning of the Championship Title at the first attempt with Fulham, scoring over 100 goals in the process. However, as the inevitable happens and we struggle to survive in the Premiership, I am sure I will find other temptations to lure me away from the game and keep the site up-to-date

The other reason is the launching of the new McCarthy Industries youtube line of products, in the shape of prank calls. Using the tool that is Skype, we are able to ring American toll free numbers for no charge, and with their being no way of identifying us, we are also able to ask silly questions. All of the efforts that have been customised for youtube audiences can be seen HERE. Please leave us comments, and feel free to suggest ideas of who should be called next

On Saturday, McCarthy attended the Burgess Hill Christmas Day in town, and as such has become the second oldest person to enter the prize draw after collecting six stamps from various Victorian celebrities. As was the case, children were more desperate to get the autographs of Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity, as opposed to those of characters such as Scrooge, who unfortunately was not depicted by Michael Caine. One young child was even given a toy of a snowman by McCarthy in a show of sheer generosity, and no doubt this young boy will be writing to Scott McCarthy as opposed to Santa Claus this year.

University continues to plod along the proverbial little donkey, and as such attention has already turned to this years Christmas video, which is now in the planning stages. As McCarthy looks set to return to Burgess Hill in the next few weeks for the festive period, all manner of new content will pop up to keep you company on those long, lonesome nights. A new competition is set to appear, as well as the song. However, much of this will depend on issues being smoothed over with partner site Burgess Hill Uncovered, as last night Peter Chapman threatened Scott McCarthy with legal action in a move which could change the face of Burgess Hill forever. Never one to back down, McCarthy is sticking to his principles, and while they are currently co-existing, it will be interesting to see how much longer the two can keep up this charade of friendship before reverting to previous hate tactics of car vandalism, trying to steal the love of family pets, photoshopping each other into monsters and pieces of excrement, and spreading rumors about what the other one wears in bed

Leaking Glow Sticks

2007-11-12T23:09:00.000Z

It has been a busy weekend for McCarthy, as he gave Cheltenhams Gay Community the shock of their life's by attending their night club on Saturday. Fear not though women out there, he was not there for personal reasons, but to accompany one of his lesbian friends on a night out. It was going very well, until one my acquaintances, whom I shall not name for fear of RUINING him for life, decided to dance with a big black man. There was only one way this would end, and my amazing foresight in these situations was proved correct, as soon the black man had moved onto what I could only describe as provocative dancing. It was a called to a halt when the black man attempted to slip his hand down the back of my friends trousers, after which I managed to pull him away, and I explained we were going outside for a fag break. The black man obviously thought we meant a cigarette, when infact it was a subtle way of saying we needed to get away from this gay man. Apart from that, it was a very decent evening and devoid of the pikie people that usually make going to a club somewhat of a chore - unfortunately, I don't think the experience will have people clamoring to go back there

FIreworks time brings about the usual amount of glow sticks, which glow in the dark as the name suggests. With my brute strength, it was no surprise that McCarthy managed to break through his, and spill the glow substance all over his hand. At first seeming apprehensive about what this would do, it eventually turned into a posititve as a story about having been in a nuclear accident was soon spun. Here was the result:

The University of Gloucestershire Pictorial has finally been launched, and eventually I intend to upload pictures right from the start of uni, once I have bothered to trawl through peoples Facebook pages and retrieve them. However, for the moment you will just have to settle for what is on there

The weekend has also seen three appearances on radio, two of which are available in the audio section. The lack of McCarthy Industries digital camera will hopefully be resolved around Christmas, and for all you festive fans out there the Christmas video is in the planning stages

Finally, for all you Burgess Hill fans out there, McCarthy will be back again this Saturday night after Crocs duty to Leyton Orient, while Friday comes the opportunity to once again get suited and booted, with the second race meeting of the season. Hopefully, an improvement on the 50 odd pence profit made last time will be made

"Two Stella's Please"

2007-11-07T19:01:00.000Z

A successful reading week has been and gone, during which McCarthy was able to cram several activities in. The Monday was spent with Tom Witham and Robert Jones in the mouth of Port, as McCarthy treated fans in Portsmouth to an evening in his company. One young lady was given the surprise of her life, when McCarthy personally wished her a happy birthday, and no doubt she will treasure that moment as long as she lives. Cheltenhams Favourite Minor Celebrity even got into the swing of things, by putting on a pirate hat to join in with the parties pirate theme

On Tuesday, I returned to Burgess Hill, where the week has been spent working on some videos to do with the town, which are now available to be viewed on McCarthy TV. A board meeting was then held in the China Garden restaurant, where discussions took place about this years Christmas video, so keep your eyes peeled for that minions

Saturday night saw McCarthy attend Tru in Brighton, with Neil Kane. The evening was your typical night out, although McCarthy in his new health conscience mode did not drink too lot due to his heavier session on Monday. However, this was not without the help of the bar maid, who managed to give McCarthy three Smirnoff Ices when he had simply requested two Stellas

McCarthy continues to impress the people of Cheltenham with his wide ranging intellect, not less in his academic studies. You would think he would be slightly rusty having taken 18 months out of the education game, but when the critics attempt to knock him he bounces back in style, and that is meant in a metaphorical sense as well as bouncing due to his ballooning size. His first piece of work towards becoming a fully qualified journalists was returned with 1sts in every section of grading - placing him at the top of the class after only 2 months. And of course, this was achieved with the usual attitude of leaving it to the last minute and a complete lack of work. As the saying goes, if you have it, you never lose it

Reading Week

2007-10-26T15:45:00.000+01:00

Today begins McCarthys first week off since arrival at uni, for "Reading Week". Unfortunately, it is not a week based around the town in Berkshire as I first believed, but a week in which you read. Naturally, this gives all my fellow university classmates a chance to laze about and do nothing, while I, Cheltenhams Minor Celebrity will use the time productively to get out and about and do some filming in this town, and maybe, if you are lucky, in Burgess Hill.

Many people have commented recently on the Amarillo video, despite the fact it was done over 2 years ago. This has been in part, due to Peter Chapmans idea to add it to youtube, where it has now reached number one in the search for Burgess Hill. This has inspired me to produce more videos of this category, and myself and Peter will be looking into the opportunity to do such a production next week

I have finally got round to adding the Scott McCarthy Day XX updates, although I neglected to mention the walk home. With the obvious growth of my reputation comes the unwanted jealousy - McCarthy, Neil Kane and Peter Chapman were started on not once, not twice, but three times on Saturday night, every time for doing absolutely nothing. This is obviously a drawback that comes with being in the situation that I am in, and with this in mind I am considering hiring security, or making my children wear masks ala Michael Jackson. Steps need to be taken, but the threatening behavior of a minority of Burgess Hills citizens could drive me further away from the town I once loved. If anyone should see the people who began the trouble, who unfortunately I don't have photos of, then please feel free to punch them firmly in the groin. If you suspect it was them, without any prove, I also ask you to do the same. Thank you

First Person Barred from New Nightclub!

2007-10-22T19:54:00.000+01:00

Scott McCarthy Day XX was a roaring success, as McCarthy managed to share this monumental day in the history of Earth with his fans in both Cheltenham and Burgess Hill. Plans became slightly altered, as fans were given a shock and a treat when McCarthy ventured out ON his birthday for the first time in history. This saw him hit Cheltenham hard, with Strongbow being demolished before going out, with destination Wetherspoons. The evening ended when Cheltenhams Favourite Minor Celebrity made an appearance at the opening night of a new club in town, by which point he was extremely ruined. This, in turn, lead to his eventual ejection - a moment that will go down in history as I became the first person to be removed from the club

Saturday saw the Burgess Hill leg of the celebrations, which began in The Weald for the rugby world cup, before moving into town. This was an equally heavy session, which ended in two near fights on the way home. Naturally, all pictures will be on-line in the next few days for you all to remember the glory days

In other news, McCarthy has not really done much. University continues to plod along as expected, and on Friday I made my debut at Cheltenham Racecourse, coming away with a 2p profit at the end of the day. It was a joy to be mixing with the creme da monthe of our society, with loafers, tweed suits, cigars, golfing jumpers and monacle aplenty. I felt right at home in this mix of people, and naturally they felt right at home with me. The next meeting is in November, by which time I hope to have secured some more upper-class clothing from either Primark of the local charity shops - although this town does seem to be lacking them somewhat

Finally, as part of my course I am charged with keeping a news blog with my views on what is happening in the world around us. I will be requiring feedback on this via the comments option at the bottom of the page, so if you have a spare few minutes please take a look and leave something. Unfortunately, I have to delete anything offensive, which is a shame as I was hoping to cover the comments area with words such as rape and flid

Scott McCarthy Day XXII

2007-10-12T13:39:00.000+01:00

Another year past, another Scott McCarthy Day gone. This years celebrations were muted in terms of previous years, there were no dinner parties, no extravagant celebrations in the Weald, no pints in every pub in Burgess Hill followed by sleeping in The Weald. Friday saw me travel to Gloucester to take in Gloucester's thrilling victory over Newport Gwent Dragons in the Heineken Cup, and on my return home I promptly rendezvoused with several fans in a pub, where I proceeded to get incredibly mullered before hitting a club. This is where things took a turn for the worse, as Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity appeared to stack it over in the middle of a dancefloor in true comedy fashion, before returning home and waking up with half a toasted cheese sandwich next to his face on Saturday morning.

The events of Friday night meant that McCarthy Day was, as was the case last year, a bit of a write off, with football being played and then a brief visit to the Irish Oak in the evening. All in all not a bad set of celebrations of the beginning of my twenty second year on planet earth.

Wednesday will see McCarthy return to Wembley for the last qualifier of the World Cup campaign, making it a 100% record for attendance in the run up to 2010. Saturday is also rumored to be the day when McCarthy and Upton go in search of Sven Goran Eriksson, who we have got to hope will be in the dugout at the Don Valley Stadium following Ian McParlands sacking as Notts County manager earlier today

And finally, while talking about football, please check out this website that McCarthy has recently begun writing articles for. Five ratings and coments calling me a tosser will be more than welcome. http://www.footballfancast.com/user/2556/myffc

Happy Scott McCarthy Day

2007-10-10T11:49:00.000+01:00

Happy Scott McCarthy Day XX to one and all! Yes listeners, it is that time of the year again when we come together, raise a glass and celebrate two decades of Scott McCarthy. While thousands across the world are wholeheartedly happy that McCarthy is here to celebrate another year, others are not - namely postman. While they claim to be on strike over pay and God knows what else, it is obvious to all concerned at the McCarthy Penthouse that it is because they simply cannot handle the sheer amount of male that would be directed towards Cheltenham this year, as is always the case when McCarthys Birthday comes around. Many fans have realised this, and your untouching generosity in the copious amounts of text and Facebook messages I have received have been welcomed warmly - so thank you fans

This years celebrations have been altered slightly from those in previous years, during which it seemed to consist of drinking as much as possible. Today, for example, I will take the time to meet with paritioners in the town centre, wander around and generally wow them with my presence. Tomorrow night, I will give my fellow University students a chance to come together and celebrate Scott McCarthy Day XX by spending an evening clubbing in fine Cheltenham, and then on Saturday night the traditional birthday drinks will be held in The Weald, during the Marathon of Sport. Next week and the celebrations continue, with McCarthy and Dan Collin attending a WWE Smackdown event in Manchester on Wednesday, before Thursday will see a day spent at the first race meet of the season at the racecourse, before next weekend a mass session taking place, once again in Burgess Hill

As you can see, there are as always copious amounts of events to get involved in to celebrate this milestone day, as I leave behind me the days of being a teenager, and Cheltenhams Minor Celebrity would hope to see as many of you as possible over the next two weeks

A More Cultured McCarthy

2007-10-04T13:09:00.000+01:00

Well listeners, another week approaches its end as McCarthy Industries continues to spread its wings into the county of Gloucestershire. There really is very little to report, as McCarthy continues to do what your average university student does - drink copious amounts of alcohol, live on a diet that is dangerously unhealthy due to the intake of microwavable, fatty foods, do as little work as possible and spend peoples hard earned taxes on pointless yet neccesary items, such as George Foreman Grills and Primark dressing gowns. Many fans will remember Cheltenhams Favourite Minor Celebrities days as a yuppie, where he drank yuppie tea in the morning, and I am pleased to announce these days have returned. I find myself wandering around in my dressing gown, wearing my glasses, preaching to fellow students about issues of morality. Next in line to purchase would be a pair of slippers, and a decent pipe, maybe a chess set. I feel I become more cultured by the day, and with it comes a sense of responsibility to represent not only you, the good people of Sussex, but the people of my adopted county also

My next appointment with the people of Burgess Hill is scheduled to be on Friday 19th October, where I will be holding another miniaturised version of the McCarthy Industries Pub Golf. This will be in order to celebrate my 20th year, with a prequel event taking place for the people of Cheltenham the week before. More details will be released from the Penthouse in due course

Finally, I would like to take the opportunity to introduce my first pictures and sound clips from Cheltenham. Last Tuesday, McCarthy honored his fellow students by attending a beach party. This also coincided with the launch of Halo 3 for the X Box 360. The midnight launch saw a drunk McCarthy and young Alex Retter queue up at midnight in the town to purchase the game. The walk home would then see Alex lose his disk in the park, only to recover it. Unfortunately, as he sprinted towards home, he forgot to take into consideration that three concrete steps that are bizarrely positioned in the middle of a grassed area. Here, he attempts to explain what happened, and how is leg became to be in the mess it was

Listen to his take on the events, HERE. And finally finally, you may have noticed the 'Skype Me' button on the top right of the home page. This new feature allows any fan, anywhere in the world with access to the Skype Application to hold a conversation with McCarthy when he is on-line. This has already lead to some interesting chats with some Russians, and is proving an interesting feature. Once again, McCarthy Industries leads the way in interactive web browsing

University Life

2007-09-24T12:09:00.000+01:00

I am pleased to report that the internet in the McCarthy Penthouse is now up and running, and thus means that Mac Industries is back on-line. My new bachelor pad affords fine views over The Cotswolds, and from the kitchen a beautiful view over the racecourse is also on offer. The people that are lucky enough to call themselves my floor mates also seem pleasant enough people, and have not been too upset my McCarthys somewhat unorthodox attitude to the world around him. Naturally, Freshers Week has provided all manner of drinking opportunities, but I am yet to release the true drinking potential of Cheltenhams Favourite Minor Celebrity onto this fine town, the potential that was realised for the first time since my return during last Fridays pub golf session, during which a ludicrous amount was consumed. That was my real farewell to Burgess Hill, and the loss of their Minor Celebrity is obviously already affecting the town - Becca Ransom, one of the many young ladies who crave my company at weekends, said of this Saturday night that it was rather poor, and everyone was home in bed by midnight. The town is obviously feeling my loss more than it should, and I think this calls for fellow Minor Celebrity to remove whatever he has up his rectum, and carry the flag of Celebritydom himself. If all else fails, then fear not, the Big Mac will be back at some point in mid October for his traditional birthday celebrations

In other news, well, their is no other news. McCarthy is currently learning short hand, which is as exciting as it sounds, and nearly succeeded in burning the kitchen down through the mistake of not turning off the hob. He has also become horrendously lost several times while exploring the town, and has already befriended several elderly gentleman on the Cheltenham & Gloucester Terrace at Whaddon Road. The next stage of establishing McCarthy Industries in this fine town is the launching on the University Pictorial, which I hope will occur at some point in the next few weeks. Apart from that, there is nothing to report. Thanks for tuning in!

Bye Bye Burgess Hill

2007-09-13T17:34:00.000+01:00

Well fans, the big move is now only four days away, and as is tradition with regards to preparation at McCarthy Towers, next to nothing has been prepared in order for this mammoth move. The most preparation that has occurred has been my attempt to cook more healthy food, as opposed to the bacon, sausages and generally unhealthy concoctions I lived off of during my time in the kitchen in Canada. This saw a successful attempt at an omelet on Tuesday, although sources at the Towers kitchen believe it is only a matter of time until salmonella poisoning sets in. This Friday, a pub golf will be taken place in order to mark my departure, and this will start at 3pm in The Weald. Saturday will see a general town appearance

Yesterday saw my first appearance at the new Wembley. Like any man who is notoriously tight with money, I was interested to see just how they could justify the sickening amount spent on it, compared to the relatively cheaper stadia such as the Millennium Stadium. The simple answer is that Wembley is far superior to any other ground I have been to, and that is a pretty mean list, including such venues as Old Trafford, the Millennium, the Mestalla, Anfield, Highbury, the City of Manchester and Field Mill. My only gripe with the place was the distinct lack of pies available due to a shortage. Should this be addressed on my return, then I will have no complaints. Particularly pleasing was the escalators to seats, which were most helpful given my recent lack of mobility

Finally, after many months of hard work and a great demand, I am proud to announce that something we all thought had been lost forever has been returned - yes, it is the Oakmeeds Pictorial. After around two years of disappearance, it is back on-line and ready to be viewed. And speaking of getting things back, a message for Robert Jones - I think that having had by Beatles tape for TWO YEARS now is starting to take the michael slightly....
*Conveniently ignoring fact I have had Shrek 2 DVD for 3 years

Trouble with the Commies

2007-09-10T10:19:00.000+01:00

Well listeners, it has been a quiet week at McCarthy Towers in the build up to my leaving of Sussex for Gloucestershire. The most exciting thing that has occured to myself has arguably been nearly breaking my neck in an unfortunate fall when the back of the office chair decided to give way. With my time in the Hill of Burgess coming to an end, I decided to give the fans something that they really have missed these past few months, and that is the all-too rare appearance of McCarthy in town at a weekend. Indeed, this was only my 3rd time out in our fine town since returning, and next week will see the last - with a private pub golf event for a few close friends on the Friday, and a general appearance on Saturday

My trip out on Saturday night nearly turned very nasty, as the traditional walk home saw myself, Robert Jones, Peter Chapman and Charlotte 'Twiggy' Merritt walk home through St Johns Park. An unsavory incident occured when we bumped into an Eastern European chap in the park, who instantly began abusing Twiggy about her motives in being out with three men. This dirty red obviously did not realise who the three were, which is only to be expected as he probably struggles to pay for bread in his home country, let alone access to the fine product we produce. Anyhow, Jones, sensing the danger not just to Twiggy, but also to the two Minor Celebrities in toe challenged the chap, telling him, in true Walmsley fashion, he had 5 seconds to walk away. This didn't seem to cut the line with this communist, who began shouting in a loud voice to his friend in some dirty language, which Jones admitted later that was a threat, thanks to the expertise he had in the Russian language. Sensing that our counter-threats had not worked, McCarthy tried to reason with the man, talking politics to him. It was difficult to resist the temptation to bust out all manner of Stalin and communist jokes, but eventually your Favourite Minor Celebrity managed to clear the path for a hasty exit, leaving these iron-curtainists to reflect on the failure to carry out their terrorist plan and take hostage two Minor Celebrities

Here are some images from the recent evenings escapades:
McCarthy and Pedestrian Direction sign
After this photo, the sign was maturely moved
Campbell ensures customer satisfaction is a priority in Pulse by giving us our drinks in a tankard
Jones and hedgehog
McCarthy and hedgehog
Twiggy and hedgehog

New Car!

2007-09-02T16:09:00.000+01:00

McCarthy has a new car! Yes fans, many of you will be upset to learn that after threatening to pack the job in some time ago, the famous Punto has now finally given up. The problem came as I noticed it was becoming more and more difficult to get her to shift into gear, and reached its head last Thursday when I attempted to get into reverse, only for a noise comparable to that of a thousand cats being slowly murdered with a rusty nail through the back of the skull to echo around McCarthy Towers. Realising the days were numbered, it was time to purchase a new car. I have decided to return to my roots with the purchasing of a Ford Fiesta, as it was in this model of car that many of my happiest days as a driver occured in the former Chap Mobile. It also means that myself and fellow Minor Celebrity Peter Chapman now have the same model of car, which gives the Ford company even more illustriousness than it held before

The lack of updates has been due to an upgrading of the McCarthy Towers systems, with a new lap top being slowly integrated into the running of things. It has also been due to the fact I have had the unfortunate privilege of putting up Daniel Collin during his return to England, and obviously with the recent BBQ. Fear not fans, all of the action from Burgess Hills Number One social event will be uploaded once it has been screened, trawled through and cringed at for its usual ridiculous drunken activities

In two weeks time, I become Cheltenham's Favourite Minor Celebrity, and as Burgess Hill prepares to mourn my departure, so Cheltenham prepares to welcome me into her community. There will no doubt be several events to celebrate the moving in the next few weeks, so keep your eyes peeled for one final chance to say goodbye to McCarthy - until Christmas anyway

Home Sweet Home

2007-08-17T14:56:00.000+01:00

Is it a coincidence? The nation of Great Britain experiences lovely weather as McCarthy returns to his homeland. Yes people, I have been back in the Hill for a week now, and extensive maintenance work has been carried out on the site since my return. Coupled with several hours on the golf course, several hours eating, a game of cricket, Crocs on Tour commitments, re-acquainting myself with the Weald and even more eating, and I feel this can cover my lack of updates

Since setting foot in Browns England for the first time, I have been overwhelmed with the response to my return. On Friday night, a mini-riot nearly broke out as I stepped into Jacobs Post alongside Robert Jones, and there was a similar reaction when I made my long awaited return to Pulse. On Saturday, extra door staff were hired by The Walkabout in Brighton, as thousands from the city attempted to get a view, a picture, maybe even a kiss from McCarthy, with very few being lucky enough to do so

The report from my Canadian tour will be added bit-by-bit, and Burgess Hillians are warned to make the most of McCarthy while they can - for in a months time he will depart again, this time to set up the Gloucestershire branch of the company with his move to Cheltenham.

Farewell Canada - Thanks for the Memories

2007-08-04T02:15:00.000+01:00

With a mere 4 days remaining until my triumphant return to the greatest country on Earth, I felt it was an appropriate time for my final update from the land of our colonial cousins. Firstly, I would like to confirm rumours that, for a two-day period, I had turned deaf. This was caused by a seeming wax blockage caused in my ears through the use of ear plugs, a necessity due to the snoring occurred in hostels, most notably from those men of an Asian dissent. My initial attempts to clear my ear using a pen managed to only push the blockage back further, making me completely deaf in my right ear. However, a combination of a purchasing of some ear drops, and a fantastic piece of advice from Daniel Collin, which consisted of ignoring the don't stick things in your ear rule, which culminated in the using of an ice cream spoon to remove the blockage

I feel this, which will probably be my final entry, would be a good time to sum up my thoughts on my 4 months here in Canada. During this Minor Celebrity tour, I feel I have summed up the time unbiasedly - I have painted the image of the sheer magnitude of the beauty of Niagara, while not being hoodwinked into omitting the mentions of the ridiculous public transport I have been subjected you.

In order to save the positives for my full review of the trip, which will be completed on my return to England, I will focus on the negatives here. Firstly, the overused, and quite frankly ridiculous statement of "We are nothing like Americans". The simple facts are, Canadians sound just like Americans, they have the biggest proportion of obese people in the world ahead of the states, adverts are the most frequently viewed item on the television, their national sports are the same, and they both sing their national anthems before every sporting event. Most tellingly though, is that in virtually every place where there is a Canadian national flag flying, there is an American one alongside it. I found this completely incomprehensible - it would be like the British flag being flown alongside a French flag, which I would consider a sickening experience

I feel I have been over the public transport system enough times to enforce the point about how ineffective it is. However, people seem to except it as a decent standard, which suggests to me that Britain's is one of the best in the world

The major thing that has got my goat on the trip though has been the taxes. For everything you do here, you give a large portion to the government. A few exampled being, when you buy any form of bottled product, you pay a bottle tax. If you dare to order a take away in McDonalds, you pay a take out tax. And most outrageously of all, if you want to spend an evening at the cinema, you have to pay an entertainment tax. Despite all of this income the government is making, there doesn't seem to be any form of welfare on offer, as is shown by the fact that on average I have seen homeless people in one night in the major cities than I have in my entire lifetime of visiting the greatest capital in the world - London

While all of these negatives make it appear as though I may not have enjoyed my time here, I am afraid this cannot be further from the truth, as will be revealed once McCarthy's day-by-day diary is published. The best way I feel to describe these negatives being focussed on is simply that I believe I come from the greatest country, and from the many people of different nationalities I have met throughout my travels, this view has been confirmed - 90% of them want to travel to England. Be it our history in the British Empire ruling the world, our first modern democratic parliament, our monarchy, our dedication to the abolishment of slavery, our forefathers populating the majority of the developed world, our invention of the worlds most used language, or our great technological advancements

I look forward, albeit slightly begrudgingly, to setting foot into Gordon Browns Britain for the first time on Thursday, at the completion of an overwhelmingly successful trip, that has taught me one vital lesson - while you can take McCarthy out of Britain, you can't take Britain out of McCarthy.

Relaxing in Nova Scotia

2007-07-24T16:09:00.000+01:00

Following my stigmata, another link between McCarthy and his biblical credentials has been established with the weather that is currently being experienced in Britain. The rain is an obvious connection with the great flood that cleared the world of sin. God obviously realised it would of been slightly farfetched for be to build an ark in Burgess Hill, and thus he has waited for his favourite son to leave the country, and now punish you all for your sins. The good news, however, is that you will only need to endure two more weeks of it, as Toronto's Favourite Minor Celebrity returns very soon

The last two weeks have seen the least activity of the tour thus far, as I travelled to stay with a family friend in the remote Digby Neck area of Nova Scotia. My original plan of staying there for a week was quickly chucked out of the window, and I decided to remain for 10 days for a break from the hustle and bustle that my previous 12 weeks on the road had contained. In my time on the island, I enjoyed three meals a day since my arrival, including delightful cooked meals. I savoured the world famous Digby Scallops, which I have been able to add to the list of fish that is suitable for McCarthy, I completed a successful whale watch, in which around 10 of these creatures were seen, but best of all was the feeling of being cut off from the rest of the world, and being able to relax, something that is all too rare in the world of Minor Celebritydom

So, in my last fortnight in the Great White North, I return to one of my favourite locations, that of Toronto. Having achieved all I have wanted to on the tour - seeing the Rocky Mountains, skydiving, bungee jumping, white water rafting down the St Lawrence River, seeing Niagara Falls, viewing wild bears, climbing the CN Tower, seeing the Blue Jays destroy the Yankees, touching the Stanley Cup and spreading the message of McCarthy, I am able to settle back, relax and enjoy the rest of time. This will involve seeing as much baseball as possible, as I fear that is the one thing I will miss more than anything else, enjoying as much Steam Whistle Beer as possible, and hopefully seeing David Beckham and his LA Galaxy team being destroyed by the might of Toronto FC - which, incidentally, will be live on Channel Five at midnight

Scott McCarthy is now off to raise several pints of Magners to celebrate probably the greatest moment of the tour so far - the news that the Falmer Stadium has once again been approved, and by all accounts for the final time. If so, roll on 2010!

Stigmata Victim!

2007-07-09T00:45:00.000+01:00

Another week passes as the time ticks by to McCarthy's return. Having left my friends in Woodstock last week, a place in which I had a thoroughly good time, I returned to Toronto and achieved nothing. From there, it was time to get another Greyhound, this time to Halifax. Here is where I report to you now

This place is by far and away the most historical, apart from Quebec City, I have visited. A trip today to the fort proved this, and made all manner of exhibitions based around the British Empire and how it once ruled the world made me swell with pride to call myself a native of the United Kingdom. Halifax was in fact the base of the British Empire in North America, due to its prominent sea position and natural harbour. From here many of the greatest victories in North American history have been launched by our septic isle, including repelling the threat of an American invasion into Canada, and defeating the French. It is also home to Casino Nova Scotia, a venue that has directed my attention away from drinking, except for during happy hour when it is $2.50 for a pint. My luck has varied in this institution, with great success in my first night but not so much on my second

This week will see me move onto stay with a family friend who is based on a remote island. This will provide an opportunity to shun the limelight that has blinded me so far on this Minor Celebrity World Tour, to relax and to prepare for a final two-week stay in Toronto. This return to one of the finest cities on earth will be packed with activity, ranging from several Toronto FC matches, including a friendly with Aston Villa and the visit of David Beckham and LA Galaxy, to a trip to Toronto Islands and all the other vast range of activities I am yet to achieve in the great city

I would also like to offer out three congratulations - firstly, to Charlotte Merritt, who finally became a women last week with the turning to 18, a celebration that was obviously marred due to my presence away from Britain. Secondly, to Douglas Lane for his turning to 19, an event that I have no doubt was filled with fun, drinking and frolics, and finally to Mac Industries Chief Advisor Bert Lloyd, for his 19th birthday in the coming week. May the fact that your Favourite Minor Celebrity was not present for any of these not distract from the celebrations.

And finally, I have long been described as the modern day Jesus Christ by the popular press across the world. While the tabloids have come to love me, the broadsheets have been less impressed with the claims. Finally though, McCarthy has proved, Stigmata is a phenomena that occurs whereby cuts appear in your hands and feet - as though you had been nailed to the cross. It is said to be a spiritual sign from God in that it represents the way Jesus was crucified. Well listeners, this phenomenon has bestowed itself upon Scott McCarthy. While some may claim it was an allergic reaction to washing powder, I believe we all know the truth, and that as I end my missionary work in Canada, the signs are finally beginning to show that I am much more than a mortal man. And here is the evidence:

Happy Canada Day

2007-07-02T18:29:00.000+01:00

With the main backpacking part of my trip over, McCarthy has now been experiencing family life with a family he has befriended in Woodstock, a small town near London. I arrived here last Wednesday, via Greyhound, a national bus company as opposed to the racing dog. My impression of the town and the people here have been favourable, particularly in the way they have taken to their new Minor Celebrity

It is here that McCarthy has finally entered the roads of Canada. Despite promising myself I wouldn't do it, the first thing I did when exiting a drive way was drive on the left - luckily it was a quiet road and didn't have any long-lasting effects on my trip. The Canadians however were somewhat shocked by my driving - particularly the speed I used on the highways. When I tried to explain that at 140kph, this was our speed limit, they seemed shocked, as there's is only 100. They were even more shocked when I used a quiet piece of road to demonstrate how fast most drive on the motorway, by taking the automobile to around 160kph, or 95mph

The birth of Canada was celebrated on Sunday with the Canada Day Celebrations. This consisted of new friend Holly and myself driving to her Grandmothers house in Sarnia, a town that is next to the US Border. They have the second biggest fireworks display to celebrate behind Ottawa, and they were arguably the best I have seen in my days. More excitingly though was the fact that this dear old women was German, had lived in Nazi Germany, seen Hitler and her late husband had been a member of the German Army. This meant I was able to ask all manner of questions to further my knowledge on the regime gained through the reading of Mein Kampf. She also provided me with the best meal I have since arriving in veil and pasta, and it made me long for that first taste of Sunday roast when I return

I would like to end this entry with a statement I never thought possible. Since arriving here, I have argued and proved the case for the United Kingdom of Great Britain being the greatest nation on Earth. This is based around several facts - fighting and winning two world wars, the great British Empire being the best the world has seen, not being conquered since 1066, the use of English across the world, the creation and abolishment of slavery, our strong economy, and the fact that if it wasn't for us, the likes of America, Canada, Australia and Africa would not have the populations they do today

But listeners, the statement is this - I am jealous of another country. I am jealous of Canada because of their patriotism. For the celebrations of Canada Day, everywhere you looked the maple leaf was flying high, people were in red and white, the national anthem was sung loud and proud. There was no second thought to Muslims or any ethnic minorities in the country, it was simply a celebration of the fact they were Canadian, and if the people who are not don't like it then tough - it is our country. I found this most refreshing from the nonsense that the flag of St George should not be shown as it offends those who are not English. For this, I applaud the Canadian people and their approach to it, and long for the day when people can show their support for the English Nation without being accused of being a racist.

Niagara - Stunning

2007-06-19T00:43:00.000+01:00

Never in my lifetime did I think that I would witness anything as beautiful, as majestic or as inspiring as the view I get every time I look in the mirror. But minions, I have. For yesterday I spent the day at Niagara Falls, and there really are few words that can do it justice

The rainbow it creates as the water smashes into the rocks below, the sound of thousands of gallons falling over the edge, the spray that encompasses the area - it is a fantastic location. Taking the Maid of the Mist boat allowed Niagara's Favourite Minor Celebrity to get up close and personal, and saw one of the most magical moments in the history of mankind. It is not everyday that arguably the greatest natural wonder in the world comes face-to-face with a waterfall, but that occurred yesterday as I was able to feel the spray on my face, reach out and touch the rainbow, unfortunately minus pot of gold, and pull all manner of poses at one of the most famous sights in the world

So inspired has McCarthy been, that he is going back next week for an overnight stay in the order to see the falls at night, when they are completely lit up. This will also allow for a far greater exploration of the city of Niagara and its "Disneyland" style qualities, including the excellent WWE Shop, where I managed to pick up three t-shirts yesterday. Unfortunately, the practicality of getting a life-size cut out of Mr Kennedy back into the country means I will not be able to purchase one, but I did settle for the satisfaction of my hands being a perfect fit to the greatest wrestler to work in the WWE.

The remainder of this week will see McCarthy relax in Toronto, with an appearance at this weekends Pride festival - the biggest Gay event in the world no less - set to be confirmed. He will also be taking in another set of Blue Jays games due to Toronto FC being out of town thanks to the FIFA Under 20 World Cup, some of the games which I am hoping to get too as well. This is unfortunate, as TFC are finally starting to put a run together, defeating the league leaders FC Dallas 4-0 on Sunday, a match at which McCarthy attended via a limousine for a bargain price of around $40, which included a match ticket

Finally, fans in Britain will be delighted to know that McCarthy's return to the greatest nation on Earth is now confirmed for Thursday August 8th. The delay has been due to the acquisition of a ticket for Toronto FC v LA Galaxy, which is rumoured to be one of the games earmarked for David Beckham's debut. Fear not fans, rumours of the cancellation of the 2007 Annual McCarthy Industries BBQ have been iron mongered by an unreliable source, and the event is very much on despite the difficulty of planning it over the space of a 17 hour time difference.

And finally finally, a very happy 18th celebration of the anniversary of his birth to Kieran "The Ginger Prince" Elliott

Bunjeeeeeee

2007-06-15T20:20:00.000+01:00

Well readers, these last few days have been the most action packed since my arrival in this nation. After leaving Ottawa on Monday, a visit was taken to a training centre for houses used by the Mounties. Unbelievably, and somewhat sickening, the racist traits of this organisation was evident in that only black horses are used. I found this sickening and wrong, and had to question the equality to white horses in this organisation.

After this, it was off to partake in a bungee jump. This involved jumping off a 200ft high platform towards a lake at the bottom of an abandoned quarry. This jump was called Great Canadian - with good reason. It is the tallest in the Americas, and was voted in National Geographic Top 5 in the world. McCarthy, being the epitome of manhood that he is, jumped second, and the decision to have only a few beers the night before proved sensible, as otherwise it made have been the contents of my stomach that also made the drop to earth. Needless to say, it was an exhilarating experience, and one that I would do again if finances allowed - unfortunately, they do not

Tuesday was filled with another extreme activity, in white water rafting down the Ottawa River. This, obviously involved getting very wet, especially with McCarthy offering to go at the front of the raft. He did fall out twice, once while "surfing" a wave, then again as they dropped down a water-fall section. Both times though he was retrieved, and the world did not suffer the death of a second global figure in the space of two days following the tragic demise of Vince McMahon on Monday night

Wednesday saw McCarthy join three others in a camping adventure in the Algonquin National Park. This really was wilderness camping - we were supplied with only a tent, a water purifier, a hacksaw, a frying pan and a knife. Naturally, we took our own food and a crate of beer, before being driven to a lake about 30 minutes from the nearest settlement, from where we canoed another 45 minutes across a huge lake. Here, we set up camp, among a labyrinth of mosquitoes, chipmunks, frogs and other wildlife. Due to it being wilderness camping, the general idea is take only what you need. This meant only one set of clothes in order to make room for the beer, so when going for a swim in the lake, McCarthy showed off his Minor Celebrity body in all its glory. After a quick nap, McCarthy undertook the role of chef, which unfortunately saw joy turn to confusion, as he managed to undercook a sausage and ensure one of the group had a digestive system resembling the big dipper at Alton Towers - made even worse by the obvious lack of lavatory. After taking suitable precautions to ensure bears did not come across our camp, including hanging food 4 metres above ground and placing everything that would have the odour of food and fire a good distance from the tent, we enjoyed the sunset over the lake, the howling of wolves, the cry of moose and the stars at night. It was simply the definition of "Marvellous scenes"

McCarthy is now back in Toronto, where the next few days are filled with baseball, baseball and soccer ball. It is then off to Niagara, before deciding where to travel to next - with Halifax or London being the leading candidates thus far.

A Night in Ottawa's Cells

2007-06-10T20:09:00.000+01:00

McCarthy is in jail! Unbelievable scenes, as Ottawa's Favourite Minor Celebrity has spent the last three nights in a cell in the cities prisons. This, surprisingly, is not due to an illegal activity such as J-Walking, but because he has paid his money to spend his evenings in the nations capital in a former jail. This is rather exciting, as it also is supposedly one of Canada's most haunted buildings. This makes for great fun late at night, as was the case on Friday. Iain from York and myself had had a superb evening of drinking and watching television in the hostel, and at around 2am decided to do some exploration. With the hallways dark, it was quite an experience, especially when we went up to the 8th floor, which used to be Death Row. This also provided a great deal of opportunity to scare people returning from a night on the town, as we hid in dark corners and made whispering noises, loud bangs and at around 3am exaggerated foot steps. Unfortunately, no ghosts are yet to be seen

Montreal proved a fine experience, although disappointingly the weather was poor. This should not have been a problem though with the labyrinth of underground passages - all 30km of them. However, with McCarthy having no clue where he was going, more often than not it resulted in getting lost, and appearing above ground further away than he had started. Montreal Impact v Minnesota Thunder was also taken in at the local soccer ball stadium, which was spookily reminiscent of Withdean - including the dire football on offer, the lack of atmosphere and ultimately the rain and wind. The game was notable however for firstly a beer tent getting blown onto the running track which caused great amusement, and a set of Montreal fans gathering at the front of the stand to celebrate the victory, only for the visitors to score a last minute equaliser. Montreal also saw a visit to the Olympic Stadium and Biodome, where animals habitats are recreated and they are allowed to 'roam free' so to speak. Unfortunately, my exploration of the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve was cut short by some completely flidish security guards, remarkably not recognising me

Since leaving Montreal, a safari has also been undertaken. This offered the opportunity to feed the animals out of the bus windows, and these animals included elk, moose and buffalo. Unfortunately, you were not allowed to feed the bears, so we just settled for lobbing carrots out the window at them. Ottawa has seen McCarthy explore the Canadian Parliament like the royalty that he is, and last night very nearly saw an arrest occur as we were refused entry from a pub for one of the clan not holding a valid ID. This was made even more bizarre given the fact it was an Austrian - and hence EU issued - driving license, yet they would accept my driving license - also EU issued. This resulted in a heated debate, during which the police were supposedly called, simply because the incompetent Canadian staff could not recognise Austria as a county

Tomorrow sees McCarthy move onto the Algonquin National Park, where all manner of nature activities will take place, before returning to Toronto, then onto what could prove to be the Jewel in the crown in the trip - Niagara Falls.

Quebec

2007-06-05T00:46:00.000+01:00

Well listeners, since my last entry Montreal's Favourite Minor Celebrity has continued his tour of this fine country. This has included delving into the world of baseball, which I have found to be a thoroughly invigorating sport, contrary to my previous believe of it being as much fun as colonic irrigation. At a bargain $9 per ticket, you can't go wrong - and if the game doesn't live up to expectations, then there is always the between innings entertainment to look forward to. This varies from three giant chillies racing along the outfield, a sing-along on the big screen, the "7th innings stretch", where everybody literally gets up and stretches, and McCarthy's personal favourite, the "Energiser fan of the game", where the person doing the craziest dancing on the big screen wins some free stuff. Needless to say, I have now been to three games for the Toronto Blue Jays, and have found them to be excellent. My sporting adventures also extended to the world of wrestling, when I witnessed the taping of Saturday Night Main Event and WWE Raw at the Air Canada Centre. My chance of making it onto TV was all but destroyed though when I managed to spell "Khali" wrong for my sign - unbelievably missing out the "A"

Following a delightful tour of the Steam Whistle Brewery, I have moved on from Toronto into the world of French Canada. However, joy turned to confusion, as with five minutes till the bus arrived, I just woke up. This of course lead to a mad rush, which has seen me lose my second pair of sunglasses on the trip. However, once on the journey I have toured the Thousand Islands in-between Canada and America, where that delightful cumber accompaniment Thousand Island sauce was created no less, and visited Quebec City. It was here I met the crazy French tour guide Paul, whose screaming at random people out of the window and general ineptitude behind the wheel had me both amused and fearing for my life. Quebec proved to be a fine place, only degraded by the distinct Frenchship of the place, but a fine Saturday night out was had there, including the discovery of the delightfully named "La Finde Du Monde" (The End of the World), a 9% beer. This did indeed prove to be the end of the world for my drinking partner Iain from York, as he ended up being sick into a pint glass at around 1am, much to the amusement of myself

Whale watching has been completed, but unfortunately this turned out to be pretty disappointing, as only a few whales were seen, and given my poor record on your normal ferry, going out in freezing cold water on a speed boat resulted in McCarthy spending the whole time trying not to reveal the contents of his stomach. Being Scott McCarthy, I have managed to secure a number of free and discounted things lately - these include a pitcher of beer for myself in Montreal, costing only $6, which works out around 3 pounds for four pints, two free vodka and cokes in the same city, and ultimately a free meal in a mountain lodge when I just sat down and was supplied with three courses of French cuisine without paying. I have also seen my first beaver of the trip, in the form of a creature swimming in a lake

A few days are now being spent in Montreal, where it is Grand Prix week so there are various other celebrities around and a whole host of ridiculously nice cars. I will be attending the Circuit de Gilles Villeneuve tomorrow in order to have a look around, following today's planned activities that are visiting the stadium and Olympic Park from the 1976 games, then possibly watching Montreal take on Minnesota in a game of soccer ball. Then on Thursday, my journey takes me onwards to Aloquin Park, where camping is under consideration, a bungee jump and onwards to the nations capital of Ottawa

Finally, I would like to offer my full congratulations to Peter Chapman for being the first one of us to be threatened with legal action. Many considered it likely to be McCarthy for the somewhat derogatory comments about non-English people that crop up from the time to time, but Peter has gone one better and managed to upset one of the biggest companies in the UK. For this, I salute him!

CN Tower, Stanley Cup and Swiss Women

2007-05-26T23:58:00.000+01:00

Well listeners, in the last week all manner of shenanigans have taken place. Since last Saturday, I have in theory achieved very little for the amount of things there are to do here. However, it has been a schedule that has seen Toronto's Minor Celebrity knackered beyond believe. Monday saw my first real drinking session in the country, as I visited the Irish bar that does Magners on tap, and devoured several pints - the first of which took around one minute to drink such was my desire for the apples. The evening saw my visit to the a fireworks display, having successfully hankered for an invite with two fine young Swiss girls that I managed to befriend, this duly went a bit wrong when by stomach problems, bought on my a suspected undercooked sausage, ensured I missed our departure. This saw me attempting to get to the display myself, only for the Asian taxi driver to take me to one about 5 miles away from the accommodation. With no money left, no idea where I was and darkness descending, this left me my first major situation. However, my intuition and survival instincts instantly kicked in. I pondered to myself, when lost at sea, you follow the stars. I began searching for the North Star, which proved quite hard as I realised just how many of the things there are. Then I saw a flashing light - was it a plane, was it God's way of showing his favourite son where to head - no, it was the top of the CN Tower. Knowing if I headed towards the worlds tallest free standing building I would be near my accommodation, that is what I did - and around 100 minutes later I was safely tucked up in bed

Tuesday saw me scale the Tower, where the views I was afforded were delightful. However, a netting on the outside observation deck prevented the classic "drop the 2p from great height onto someone's head to kill them" game, which was the only disappointing thing about the experience. Supplied is a picture of me on the famous glass floor.

On Wednesday I witnessed the Champions League Final, once again in the Irish bar, and was delighted that my fellow soccer ball fans agreed that Peter Crouch's lack of action was a crime to humanity. Afterwards, it was back to the BMO Field for Toronto v Benfica. Here I met a charming fan and his wife, and I have been invited to play 6-a-side next week, which should be excellent fun. The game finished 0-0, and by the end of the evening I had also made friends with a group of French students, despite my lack of knowledge of their Froggy language.

Friday saw a visit to the National Hockey Museum, where I had my picture taken with the Stanley Cup. This is the trophy awarded to the overall NHL Champions at the end of the season, and from the hype of the current end-of-season play-offs I can only suggest its importance in this nation is similar to the Premiership, the FA Cup and the Champions League rolled into one. Obviously having only just gotten into the swing of hockey, I cannot appreciate the magnitude of touching this trophy - but the fact that some grown man were virtually in tears at the mere sight of it tells its own story

Monday sees me attend WWE Raw at the Air Canada Centre, and the week also includes a visit to the local brewery, a look around the Sky Dome and with any look a baseball game between the Toronto Blue Jays and the New York Yankees, before next Friday sees me move onto pastures new in the form of French Canada and Niagara.

Trains and Soccerball

2007-05-19T01:13:00.000+01:00

When I return to England, I will allow anyone who hears me moan about the British rail system to punch me in the face. Having now experienced the Canadian system, I can safely say it is medieval in comparison, and makes the likes of Southern and First Capital Connect seem Nazi-like for their efficiency. Obviously, the three-day trip was always going to be a bit of a nightmare, but the fact that the train ended up running three hours late really did take the biscuit. This could of been easily avoided if it didn't stop for seemingly no reason every now and again, and if it actually got above 30mph, which I believe it did on around 5 occasions. Throw in an annoying child who you just wanted to strangle, and three days in the same clothes and you can imagine by the end of it all was a result not too dissimilar to wanting to go on a gun rampage

My second experience came today, when the train I wished to catch back from the "soccer ball" match I witnessed was running around an hour late, meaning we were stood around on a platform for nearly two hours after the game. This was made enjoyable by the Toronto "hooligans". You can tell "soccer ball" is only just taking off in Canada, as there attempts to create a hostile situation was pathetic. One fat man shouting obscenities across the platform, a chap, who not surprisingly was of black dissent, squaring up to everyone on his platform and one other man shouting abuse ingeniously through the medium of a cone. Having experienced the likes of Cardiff, Millwall and Leeds this was a walk in the park, and at times a laughable experience

The game itself was most enjoyable. On my entry to the stadium, I was amazed at the relaxed drinking situation. One end was purely dedicated to Carlsberg, with a mass of beer "concessions" and a set of pub-esque tables in front of the goal. This would of been heaven if it wasn't for the ridiculous prices. Other "concessions" on the stadium concourses including the usual hotdogs, popcorn and beer, along with several Subway counters, sushi and unbelievably a Greek hog roast. Disappointingly, there were no betting facilities in site

The game itself was what I would describe as typically American. Both the Canadian and American national anthems were sung before the game, in front of the flags as if it were an international. Every time a free-kick or corner was given, the whole stadium would not cheer, but either shout "yeah" or "woooo", even if there was no danger of a goal ever being scored. Every booking was greeted with the announcement "A caution has just been issued to...." Every time something remotely good happened, people would stand up and shout "nice" or "good one". Perhaps best of all though were the attempts to unsettle the referee, who did have a shocker, with the offensive chant of "you suck". The game itself was also typically American, nobody seemed to want to tackle, and every time contact was made and a player went to ground a foul was given, much to everyone's delight. This of course made the pace slow, and meant stopping every five minutes, when both teams looked good playing attacking football. It was, however, an enjoyable experience and one I am hoping to repeat on Wednesday with the visit of Benfica for a friendly

In other news, Toronto's Favourite Minor Celebrity will be attending WWE Raw on Monday 28th, and visits the tallest free standing building in the world at some point, the CN Tower. Most delightful of all however, and arguably the highlight of the trip has been the discovery of an Irish pub that sells Magners on tap. This will be frequented for the Champions League Final, and no doubt on many other occasions during my 2-week visit to this fine city.

Back from the Rocky's - In One Piece!

2007-05-14T05:19:00.000+01:00

Well listeners, in the last 10 days since my entry I have completed my tour of the mountains. I have climbed through an ice field, which rather unfortunately saw McCarthy's shoe become stuck in a drift around 15 feet deep. Luckily, the shoe only sank in around 4 foot, but after a rescue mission that I can only compare to that of a terrorist attack, the missing shoe was found alive and well, and the Columbia Ice fields Favourite Minor Celebrity was soon reunited with it after a painstaking 10 minutes, during which his hands turned blue. A rather exciting experience I am sure you will agree

Several bears have been seen on the journey thus far, although disappointingly the opportunity to wrestle the said animals has been somewhat lacking. I also met my first English fan on the trip, a young girl by the name of Carly who unfortunately did not join in the evenings clubbing festivities in Banff. She did however reveal that she is going to Loughborough University, and quite ironically taking what could be the same course of the fat, homesick one Dan Collin

I have also completed my maiden sky dive, which saw McCarthy unfortunately manage to trip out of the plane as opposed to diving out. However, this was still good fun, and any threats to my life were extinguished immediately. Kokanee is fast taking over as the drink of choice on the trip, but it still pales into comparison to the taste and quality of a pint of Bulmers - something I am yearning for ever so much. Unfortunately my record of doing England proud has taken a blip, as I took a severe beaten to a newfound friend in a snowball fight. What made this particularly devastating was that he was an Australian, but in my defence, as if I need one, he probably weighed the same as a young elephant

Having returned to Vancouver successfully, I have also visited ski resort Whistler. This was, however, a pointless trip as the majority of ski places are now shut, and due to a cock up of monumental proportions a bungee jump was unavailable to me. Tomorrow I begin a painstaking three day train journey across the country to Toronto, where on Saturday I will take in Toronto FC v DC United, who I believe have "the next Pele", Freddy Adu among their ranks. This is indeed an exciting time

I leave all you listeners with one final message, and that is to urge all of you to vote for Burgess Hill to make it onto the Monopoly board. I know the campaign must be suffering dearly in my absence from the forefront of the trail, but please do not use this as an excuse - I expect on my return to hear of our success, and it will be one that I feel will equal, if not eclipse, that of Jesus Christ's resurrection.

Australians and Bannf

2007-05-04T06:09:00.000+01:00

In the last 48 hours, Bannf's Favourite Minor Celebrity has done his country proud. For today at a race track high up in the mountains, McCarthy achieved third place out of fourteen in a go-karting event. It was simply an exhilirating experience, and as our football, cricket and rugby teams continue to do St George a complete dis-service, I have stepped up to the plate to play a small part in putting the Great back into Britain. I also won in some style a drinking contest last night in a small village pub in the mountains, where I was delighted to discover Strongbow on tap, and enjoy my first straight cider since arrival in Canada. Equally as delighful was the fact that literally every adult in the town seemed to be on cannabis, which was surreal in itself

Since my last entry, I have left Vancouver and joined a touring party to explore the mountains. This party is full of many nationalities, most disapointingly a large contingent of Australians. I am, however, managing to surive, despite the words "crikey" and "heaps" seeming to appear in every other conversation.

Many of you will be aware of my appaling record of losing things on trips, and I can confirm that I have so far lost two items. Within four days of arrival, I have managed to lose my sunglasses - making that four pairs lost in just under two years now. An enviable record, I am sure you will agree. The other loss was my credit and debit card. However, after a panic that I can only compare to a Jew being instructed to take a shower in Aushwitz, I found them again, safely returned to the reception area of hostel

I have continued to meet and greet some interesting people, including one called Ken whom claims to have been chased out of Ottawa by the police for setting up his own political party, campaigning against the free masons who run every commonweath country. For more information on this man, who has managed to confuse even me with his spout as to whether he is a certifield lunatic, or a future Oliver Cromwell, he gave me his website address - www.eh-ok.ca

Sights seen so far include Bridal Veil Falls, the Trans Pacific Railway Headquarters, and the second longest highway in the world. Tomorrow sees us travel further into the Rockys, where I hope to add a bear to the list of creatures I have seen so far, which includes mountain goat, deer, a coyotee, copious eagles and a couple of Japanese women.

Goodbye Vancouver

2007-05-02T02:18:00.000+01:00

Wednesday 02/05/07

A fine last two days in Vancouver, even if the weather has turned somewhat Jewish today with a down pour of rain. Monday saw McCarthy travel to the top of the Harbour Tower, where he was afforded astonishing views over the city and the background mountains. His attempts to open a window on the observation tower, a good 50 storeys high, were unfortunately denied due to a tricky locking system. Not to be deterred, I decided to spend the time amusing myself by taking photos of fat people

After this, I headed back to the beach, where I did not fall asleep, and then enjoyed a long walk home through what can only be described as the pikier area of town. On this walk, Vancouver's Newest Minor Celebrity found a "7 Eleven", which I instantly recognised to be the North American version of a shop owned by a family of Pakistani persuasion. Here I parted with $7, around 3 pounds, for what can only be described as a mammoth sub. This thing was probably as long as my arm, and jam-packed with ham, sausage, two types of cheese and something else. Needless to say, I devoured it like a newborn baby

Yesterday I visited the aquarium, and had the fortune of seeing some dolphins in a show, and a rather drunk man shouting abuse. There was also a set of Aryan whales among many other interesting creatures. After this, I explored the huge Stanley Park, where I promptly got lost among the wilderness, but saw some chipmunks - unfortunately not Alvin, Simon or Theodore. This four hour walk took its toll, but I was delighted to stumble across a wrap shop on the way home. Many of you loyal fans will know just how much I love my chicken wraps, and here was a whole shop devoted to them, Needless to say I was in heaven. I then had the fortune of watching the Cannucks' hockey game on TV with a drunk man, who would scream "cunt those Americans up" every 2 minutes

Today is my final day in this fine city, as I intend to head up towards Lake Louise in the mountains tomorrow, investigating Jasper National Park as I do so. This opens up all the opportunity to see some more native wildlife, and a chance to wrestle a bear could emerge. With this in mind, I bid you all farewell!

Greetings from Canada!

2007-04-29T04:19:00.000+01:00

Hello listeners, just a line to let you know that no Muslims have managed to disrupt the trip as of yet, there was one decidedly dodgy moment at passport control, when McCarthy thought it would be funny to pretend to be French speaking, until he was asked for his age and could not remember the basics of the word 19 in that garlic sniffing language. While humorous at the time, this has lead to a small amount of worry over just how Vancouver's Newest Minor Celebrity is going to cope during his time in French Canada, as the only full phrases known in French are such as "Chate neurve de pap", which is uttered during drunk evenings with Douglas Lane. How far this will get me on the road I do not know.

Not since the Vancouver Cannucks won the NHL North West Conference has this city been so excited. The local tabloid press are comparing my arrival to that of Jesus in Jerusalem, with the minor differences being that I arrived via a taxi as compared to a donkey - but had the Yellow Cab Company been in existence back then I can only presume the Lord himself would of used it. Since arriving in North America, I have had a superb response from fans all across the world, which culminated last night in a complete ruining of the liver, a mere 2 hours after arriving in the country. This saw me and a "dude" fan from California check out the local nightlife, and ended with a return at 2am to my current Hostel location that saw McCarthy nearly break his neck in an attempt to enter his bunk bed

Today has seen Vancouver's Newest Minor Celebrity check out the city in all its glory, paying visits to many local attractions and meeting and greeting fans. This has, naturally it would seem, resulted in McCarthy getting not only hideously lost, quite impressive given the fact the roads are all straight and lead to each other, but also horrendously sunburnt due to falling asleep on the beach. This would not normally be a problem, bar the fact I fell asleep on my side AND with sunglasses on, meaning the redness is limited to certain spots. I also attempted to get a ticket for the ice hockey play offs tonight, but because of a ridiculously Jewish ticketing system where you have to buy two tickets, I decided not to

Finally, a few observations thus far. It would appear in this country you have to tip people in bars, for merely serving a drink. Quite how this works I do not know, but needless to say if this was the policy in The Weald, then McCarthy would be as broke as that women who died from internal bleeding after being violated by a horse. The other point is tax - it is added on once you have made a purchase. This seems particularly ridiculous as it means that until you take an item to the cashier, you don't know how much you have to pay. Apart from this, it is an invigorating experience thus far, and tomorrow I may continue to wow the general public with my messiah-like qualities, by demolishing a few stalls in the local market. If it worked for Jesus, it is guaranteed to work for McCarthy!

Goodbye!

2007-04-27T15:09:00.000+01:00

Bon voyage!

Reserve Cup Winners!

2007-04-17T12:15:00.000+01:00

I would like to apologise profoundly for my severe lack of updates in recent weeks - this has been due to a number of reasons. One has been my increased sporting participation, with up to three games of football a week for Hassocks as the Reserves bid to get their season finished. This has included one cup final, whereby Hassocks were the victors, and here we see Scott McCarthy with the Sussex County League Reserve Section Challenge Cup:

Another reason has been the undertaking of working at Cuckfields Esso site, where McCarthy has noticed distinctive differences between their and the Haywards Heath site. Namely, in the clientele. Cuckfield is visited by the more refined and socially inebriated of our society, and I feel that with my posting here, it is recognition of McCarthys high standing in society, that the yuppie people who frequent Esso Cuckfield wish to be served by an equally upholding petroleum technician as myself. It has also presented me with a number of comical opportunities, and arguably my favourite Esso moment of all time earlier last week. Because of Cuckfields rural village status, the garage is mainly used by passers by, so instructions are required on a frequent basis

One pair of women came in, dressed all in black, and a quick glance into one of their handbags denoted that they were heading for a funeral, as was shown my the funeral programme in their bag. Needing to find Borde Hill Gardens, they asked myself for directions. Seizing the initiative, McCarthy sent them in the longest direction he could possibly think of, via Handcross. With funerals being a dull and sad affair, I believe that I will have livened this one up by ensuring that two of the guests arrive ridiculously late, hopefully stumbling in halfway through the service to a chorus of cheers and laughter from their fellow mourners. Once again, McCarthy brightens up the day of some people and adds a smile to their faces. Its all part of the service that Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity is happy to offer

The other reason has been preparing for McCarthys Canada trip. This has involved all kinds of important decisions, like researching when the WWE are in Toronto, where I can gain some viagra for the trip, whether crack cocaine and heroin is readily available on the streets, how much the average prostitue will cost, what the age of consent for sex is and how long a prison sentence will be for when I break that law, whether rape is frowned upon in the eyes of the courts, what documents I need to produce in order to purchase a semi automatic rifle and most importantly of all, what side of the road do they drive on. There are obvious minor things to prepare as well, such as accommodation and equipment I need to take, but I feel these will fall into place as the days tick towards the trip

Another thing I have had to consider is what to do with this site when I am away. Obviously, there are a number of candidates who I feel would make it nearly as thought-provoking and interesting as I - people such as the Pope, Dale Winton, the Earl of Wessex, Alan Titchmarsh and David Blunkett to name a few. However, I have decided to give that great accolade to PETER CHAPMAN, as I feel the site should stick to its Burgess Hill and Minor Celebrity routes. Peter will be making several minor changes to the site, and will also keep things updated should I be able to send anything from across the pond. Exciting times ahead indeed!

Drink Drink Drink

2007-03-25T13:22:00.000+01:00

Well minions, a shocking lack of updates this month would seemingly denote the fact that it has been a busy one - infact, nothing could be further from the truth. A simple combination of working, alcohol consumption and general bone idleness explains the lack of updates of recent weeks. With my digestive system problems reaching a new high today - with nothing solid being passes out of my system, has really been the highlight of recent weeks

The main news is that after in-depth discussions with the Canadian Embassy, McCarthy has finally set a date for his tour of North America. He leaves the British Isles at the end of April, spending around 3 months with our foreign friends, before flying back to England in July. This obvious throws all manner of complications into the normal summer schedule, including the 2007 McCarthy Industries Annual BBQ. This means it will have to be moved back from its original berth of June/July, to August. However, this does give time for a new dance competition trophy to be found, after last years was stolen by Doug Lane, enraged that he had not won the competition

Seeing as it has been so long since my last entry, I have decided to allude to the classic saying of "A picture tells a thousand word", and present the recent events in a pictorial format

Random large women who made a fine candidate in Pull a Pig
McCarthy does his now-traditional charge down traffic bollard
Twiggy was given the honor of a night out with Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity
Chapman and Gordon Ramsay
Dougie Lane is back on the beer after his recent operation in the refurbished Potters
McCarthy takes it all in in the fine surroundings of the Potters
Lane manages to break one of the pool lights by hitting his head on it in the Potters
Binstead enjoys himself in a pub in Brighton for Mark Potters birthday
Matthew Lane enjoys an evening in Pulse
A women who we found to be rather friendly
McCarthy and Lane own the Pulse dance floor
A young lady who and the honor of being walked home by these two fine men
The bath room in the fine residence where McCarthy found himself sleeping on Saturday night
Bas Savage is a black bastard - and now he has his name embalmed on the back of McCarthys shirt

Pulse and a Broken Knee

2007-03-05T16:24:00.000Z

Our entry into March means the quarter point of the year being reached, and the past two weekends have seen McCarthy declare Pulse as arguably his favourite night spot in town. The fact that this establishment is packed full of older women means a guaranteed kiss virtually every night - for these women are old, single and therefore desperate - especially when you consider two frequent visitors in recent weeks have been McCarthy and Chapman, which, unsurprisingly has seen a surge in the number of customers the place is drawing in

It began last week, when McCarthy and Chapman ventured to Pulse after picking up some women in Jacobs. There was great amusement in the building when, at the end of the night, one women claimed to have fallen over and broken her knee. Being the kind, considerate gentleman that we are, we just stood and laughed at her, even going as far as to take a photo of this damsel, mother to three children no less, in a complete state on the dance floor:

Friday night saw McCarthy treat a young lady to an evening at the China Garden, in what he can only describe as a disaster. When will Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity find a lovely lady who can keep up with him in the drinking stakes, without becoming a complete disaster to get home. Answers on a post card, but on the plus side he did gain 4 of Lees famous DVD's for the collection, which should see me through those lonely nights

This Saturday saw Peter overwise engaged in bed, with himself, so McCarthy decided to treat two youngsters to an evening out with himself, in Kieran Elliott and Twiggy. It was a delightful evening, but Twiggy continued her fine record with men by going after another complete wierdo, much to the amusement of her accompanying party. Kieran too got in on the act, as he managed to get a dance with a woman who was not a day under 50:

It is unknown what this week holds for McCarthy, as his trip abroad looms ever closer. This has seen Alison McCarthy go out of her way to buy all manner of new clothing devices for myself, some of which are rather delightful. In other news, I have discovered an incestual relationship for chilled Ribenna, a fetish of which I am unsure of its origins. I will report back when I am aware of more

Leicester with Wilson

2007-02-21T20:18:00.000Z

February has thus far been a month of grave indifference. Only one word can do it justice so far, and that word is "wreck-up" - McCarthy could easily denote this to be the heaviest month of his young and fruitful life thus far, even eclipsing the efforts of June and July 2006, the world cup and cricketing months.

It has seen James Calver be sick before even making it into town on one of his and McCarthys legendary nights, it has has seen the celebration of a Christening, it has seen McCarthy enter Code for the first two, and with any luck last two, times of his life - as it is a place that is too drinking what a shower is to Jews - horrible. It has seen McCarthy disgrace himself in Leicester, where he would like to place on record his thanks to the superb hospitality of Miss Avril Wilson, who provided Burgess Hills Favourite Minor Celebrity with the leading candidate so far in the "Evening of 2007" - an evening that saw McCarthy seemingly come close to breaking his previous drinking record, and even make friends with a group of Sikhs. Naturally, when Avril saw McCarthy chatting away at a bar to a bunch of fellas wearing turbans, then she assumed the worst and seemed to want to drag him away. But as it was, McCarthy was getting on like a house on fire with them, one even bought him a drink which was simply delightful. He managed to upset all manner of Northerners with "regionalist stereotypes", and then to top it all off he drove the three hours home at midday the next day - even giving his host a momentou of the day a Minor Celebrity stayed with her, in leaving his watch in her bathroom. Simply - incredible scenes!

The next few months will hold much of McCarthys future in them - for it comes down to completing his requests for loans and all manner of monetary devices for his foray into the world of the University Student, and it also sees him fly out of the country to make his journey across Canada. He has now decided to make it a "rash journey", which will see him travel this vast landscape via the medium of coaches, stopping off along the way to pay visits to fans that live in North America. He is expected to leave within the next two months, which will leave a huge void in the celebrity sphere of Burgess Hill - but one that McCarthy has no doubts can be easily filled by Peter Chapman, who will hope to take up the mantle of Favourite Minor Celebrity alongside his current title of Most Respected Minor Celebrity

Calver is sick before making it into town
McCarthy and one of his new Sikh pals from Leicester